Rocks fell. Jessica the Racist Human Stone Kicker tripped over a pipe.

  Eight subjective hours later, I respawn at the Rest Zone right next to where we set up camp.

  Nobody’s here. Why is nobody here? Are they still in the dungeon or what? For eight hours? Why would-

  The Admin clears her throat from right next to me.

  I jump, as does reality. “BLARG!!!”

  But the Admin ignores whatever the fuck just came out of my mouth. “So, um… I mean hi there. You’re Jessie, right? I’m Civetta. But I guess you already knew that. I’m here for… Well, I think you know that too.”

  Wow. Caught already. At least they’re punctual.

  I sigh, even as the world lurches in a toilet-flushy quality kind of way that makes the only answer I can think of even more obvious. “Universal Constant Mod?”

  “Yyyep.”

  Still pretty lost but refusing to admit it, I give my best guess as to what the fuck just happened. “So, I take it mods can go up to Unique then? And the ‘True’ part of the Random Mod Stone can grant them?”

  As soon as I say it, I spot the flaw in my assumption. “But then why does it say ‘Epic’?”

  Civetta belts out some clearly nervous laughter. “Oh no. They only go to Mythic. And even those can only take one base effect or another of whatever they’re modding, and tweak it in some way. Some minor way. Let me ask you something… Does what you’re currently experiencing seem ‘minor’ to you? Or for that matter, ‘intended’?”

  I know there’s only one answer to that question. But I don’t wanna give it.

  Even if Civetta doesn’t need the verification. “That’s right. You, little lady, are exploiting a glitch. And thank God you’re basically immortal. If you could still die for real, you’d be stuck in a frozen moment forever. Not to mention that the processing power needed to keep up with all the time dilation is astronomical from the System end of things. So maybe it’s the rest of us who are lucky that your momentarily hanging in never-ending stasis didn’t shut down all of Heaven from the power siphoning alone.”

  Seeming to spot how surprised I am at that assertion, the affable look she’s giving me turns more into one of constipation. “Just now, standing in front of me doing effectively nothing, you’re taking more System juice than a hundred maxlevels going all-out in a battle royale.”

  She sighs. “It could be worse, I guess. You could be a Summoner. The energy cost would be exponential at that point.”

  The Admin shakes her head. “But even as it is, and to answer my own question, it’s still just about the polar opposite of anything you could reasonably call ‘intended’.”

  I just stare at her for a moment. “So…”

  Taking it out of my inventory, I hold up the Admin Token that I earmarked for a potential apology way back when. “I can use this… To undo-” I wave a sarcastically dainty hand over the entirety of my body. “This?”

  The Admin’s own body seems to untense at the same time as she perks up. “YES-” Civetta clears her throat. “I mean yes. Exactly. We can even get this done right now. Just activate the token, make the request, and I’ll get you breathing normally again right away. I’ll even give you another token. No wait time or anything.”

  I just keep staring. And thinking. The longer I do, the less willing I am to go along with her suggestion. Wait, that’s right… Right? It’s a suggestion?

  Meanwhile, Civetta looks increasingly nervous as the seconds tick by. “So what do you say? Just use the token and-”

  “That’s good to know.” It disappears from between my pointer and middle fingers as I re-add it to my inventory. “Thanks for the info.”

  She looks bewildered for a moment, but then hopeful. “I… Oh, I see. That token is a consumable. You have to actually ‘use’ it. Like a potion, or a respec, or… Or a Mod Stone! I know you know how to use one of those. Once you do, I can help you right away.”

  “Gotcha.”

  Civetta chuckles, failing to hide the condensed worry dripping from her laugh. “Buuut I just saw you put it away. Without activation?”

  “Correct.”

  “I-I’m sorry, I don’t get what’s happening here.”

  “What’s not to get? I might do it later. But first, Imma try this out a bit, k?”

  “But… I mean you can’t… I mean…” Civetta seems to make a futile attempt to collect herself. “Fine. That’s fine. Of course it’s fine. It’s entirely within your rights to do that. Just… Keep the token in mind, yeah? Your body, let alone the one you had on Earth, was never meant to work like this.”

  “Like what?”

  Civetta’s eyes seem to flash with pure indignance. “Oooh, I don’t know… Maybe like how you’re inexorably tied to the fabric of spacetime, by way of your lungs?” She grumbles a bit under her breath. “I am, of course, obliged to let you keep what you’ve discovered. What you’ve-” She tries to force a cough with mixed success. “Earned-”

  Then her mouth becomes a line. “So long as you’re the only one affected. By, I might add, a System-level glitch. So long as no one else inflicts the same malfunctioning Time Breathing effect on themselves, the choice to keep such a system malfunction active is, technically, yours.” She seems to hold back for a moment before finding no way around her sworn obligation to clarify. “And yours alone…”

  To her visible dismay, my own grin widens with every word she says. “Thanks. That’s also good to know. I think I’ll be keeping it then.” I feel my lip tremble in sympathy pain at the clearly dejected Admin. “At least for now…”

  I’m kind of starting to feel bad for her. “Ok, how about this for a question… If I do let you turn it off, can I ever turn it back on?”

  “Of course.” From that oddly high-pitched proclamation, Civetta’s back straightens and she sounds like she’s reading straight from a textbook. “Once you unlock a Mod, you can take on XP Debt to switch between that, and any other mod you’ve unlocked, at any time.” Eyes widening, she hurries to amend. “Not in combat, of course. That would be too-” She gulps. “Abusable.”

  “I see… So let’s say I turn off my Universal Constant breathing mod. Then, tomorrow, I turn it back on, and regain the exact time-based breath power I have now.”

  Civetta nods slowly, carefully, gradually speeding up to what a casual observer might even call ‘normal’. “Okay..?”

  “Do you see anything wrong with that plan?”

  “Not in theory, no.”

  “So you, on behalf of the Order of Admins, guarantee that would play out exactly how I said?”

  Civetta seems to think that over, searching in vain for a way to say ‘yes’ without technically lying. But before long, she sighs in suspicion-verifying resignation. “We’ll nerf your Mod the instant you turn it off.”

  I blink at that. “Really? The instant?”

  The Admin looks ashamed now. “If you paused time, and turned it off and on again as fast as possible, it would already be gone.”

  Wow. That’s some System… Not that I’m intimidated or anything. Just surprised by the sheer speed implied. Is it automated, then? It’d probably have to be, right? Like you flag a Skill or Mod or whatever, and it’ll disappear as soon as no one has it?

  Even as I think through the implications of the System pausing time, I’m holding my breath. And distracted as I am by the thought, I can’t help but get even more distracted by the sheer irony of what’s happening to me. Of what I’m making happen. She said ‘Time Breathing’. But I’m not breathing right now. But the world is frozen. And she also said…

  Holy fuck, I can pause time.

  Without breathing, I strain every other fiber of my being to move through the frozen world. Even an inch at a time like this could mean infinite speed.

  But eventually, I have to admit the truth to myself. If I’m not breathing, I can’t move. Not through space and certainly not through time. That’ll take some getting used to… Even still, the fact remains that I can think it all through. This… that… Everything. No more panic. No more need to hurry. Everything happens as soon as I’m ready. And not a moment before.

  Yeah, there’s no fucking way in hell I’m giving this shit up for anything.

  [ ERROR: CANNOT SWITCH MODS — NO OTHER MODS AVAILABLE ]

  [ CONFIRM DISABLE MOD: ELEMENTAL BREATHING - UNIVERSAL CONSTANT? ]

  In a panic, I mentally scream every variation of ‘NO!!!’ that exists. And several that don’t. If my heart could move, it would be pounding.

  After calming down and straining to remember what Civetta just told me, I finally, immediately, reply. “Well, there you go. Look, I just got a fun, unique power. Do you really blame me for not wanting to immediately lose it forever?”

  [ ERROR: CANNOT SWITCH MODS — NO OTHER MODS AVAILABLE ]

  Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit.

  [ CONFIRM DISABLE MOD: ELEMENTAL BREATHING - UNIVERSAL CONSTANT? ]

  Another bout of panic matches another mental screech of denial every kind of denial there is, was, or ever will be. Okay, that’s gonna be a problem. Is there a Skill for this?

  Once more holding my breath, I do a quick scroll through my available Skill options. But, as I feared, nothing stands out. I’ll have to give this a more thorough look later for ways to abuse this for fun and profit.

  But for now, I just saw a particularly poignant menu option I never noticed before. That opens a different list of all my Modded Skills. There’s only one option.

  Like my mom noticing a customer service button, I press it immediately.

  [ MOD LOCKED: ELEMENTAL BREATHING - UNIVERSAL CONSTANT ]

  Sighing in relief, it immediately escalates to a yell as I find myself lurching forward in both time and space.

  Wincing at that same moment, Civetta just as immediately escalates to a yell and lurch of her own to try and catch me.

  Being an Admin, she succeeds. Also being an Admin, she’s unwilling to give up so easily. Or maybe I’m just projecting as to why, recovering us both, she neatly parries my locking of the Mod by reminding me of a sore subject. “And… Oh, I see you were given a choice of bonus starting items. But you chose to forgo picking one up?”

  I feel a bit of light leave my eyes at the memory. “Yeah… Yeah, I did. I’ve been kicking myself over it ever since.”

  “Yes, well, that does sometimes happen. Unfortunately, as with all System-granted rewards, bonus starting items can only be accepted when they are offered. Never after the fact. Otherwise, you could just skip past it, spend time in the world, learn about items. You know, their value, rarity, power, whatever, and then make the choice with a massive advantage compared to those who chose right out the gate as instructed. But even without that, you can see how that might be a bit unfair?”

  Holding my breath once more, it occurs to me that Civetta isn’t moving. She CAN’T move, can she..? I guess neither can I or the rest of the world, to be fair. But she’s an Admin. She said the Mods can circumvent it somehow… But can I really do something an Admin can’t? Now that’s handy…

  Suddenly light from the lack of a weight I didn’t know was on my shoulders, I spend a few minutes thinking through the implications. I don’t even feel like I need to breathe yet… Damn, those Stamina points are doin’ work.

  But a few minutes after that realization, I do get around to coming up with an answer to the question on fairness. And, having thought of it, I take my time before I answer with a question of my own almost as soon as the other was asked. “Less fair than locking me out of a choice I never even knew I had, or that leaving would disqualify me from making it?”

  I hold my breath again to review. A little wordy, huh? Not as snappy as it sounded in my head… Something to work on.

  When I finally breathe, I just as finally notice I’m crying. But my eyes seem to keep their reasons to themselves, because I don’t get it.

  Civetta only looks more nervous at both my tears, and unexpected pushback. “I-I’m not a huge fan of that rule either. Not that I think it’s unnecessary or anything. But in your case…” The Admin clearly pretends to only just now get an idea. “How about this? You let me fix your breathing problem, and I’ll pull some strings on my end. If we handle this right, I think we can get you another shot at that starting item. You’ll even have the same options as before. If I remember correctly, you had quite the selection to choose from.”

  As soon as I figure out where she’s going with this, I immediately respond after thinking about it for only like half a minute this time. “So yeah, here’s the thing. I just realized this ‘breathing problem’ as you called it, cures my social awkwardness. The fact that I can think as long as I want before responding to anything and everything is… Well, it’s fucking amazing is what it is. And, no offense, I doubt anything on offer can compare. Shit, even a button that literally stopped time, had infinite uses, and recharged instantly, wouldn’t be nearly as good as this ‘glitch’. So yeah. Thanks, and I mean that, but no thanks. I think I’ll be keeping my new Time Breathing, as you called it.”

  Rounding on me, Civetta goes right into damage-control. “Now hold on. This is a special exception made just for you. It’s a big deal and an equally big decision. For more than just you, believe it or not. I know you don’t know what I’m talking about, but… What if I give you a Mythic Mod stone to replace the Random one you used? You can pick and choose from the best, most synergistic options your Breathing Skill has to offer. Please? Can you at least think about it? It’d really help me out.”

  “I did. The last few minutes were closer to an hour for me. I spent all that kinda-time thinking it through. More than I needed because the decision was overwhelmingly easy. There’s actually only one Mythic option for that Skill. But I like this one better. Sorry about not helping you out and stuff. But I just got a real life pause button. Of course I’m keeping it.”

  The clearly flustered Admin switches tacts. “Do you understand what this is doing to your voice?”

  I think about that for a while. But no amount of time clarifies what the fuck that’s supposed to mean. So I instantly counter with that very question. “The fuck is that supposed to mean”

  “Some sentences, it’s like you’re in fast-forward. And then you’re in slow-mo for the next. Your talking speed, tone, everything, is all over the place. You sounded like a chipmunk a couple times there. And those were among the slower ones. At least one of the things you said just sounded like an extended, high-pitched Amber Alert to me. I only know that’s not what you were doing because your mouth was a literal blur of motion instead of just hanging open like how it sounded. I’m sorry, Jessie. For so many reasons, this cannot be healthy.”

  “Yeah, I should probably-” I manually take a breath. “Practice controlling it more.” I inhale again, throwing the Admin a triumphant look. “Better, right?”

  Wincing, Civetta shakes her head. “Not really. Just bad in a different way. Might be worse, actually. At least if you count the uncanny valley of it all…”

  Disappointed in myself more than anything, I kick up some dust. “Fuck…”

  “But you can fix it right now. Just whip out that token and I’ll get you squared away with-”

  “Nope, sorry. I think I’ll just go ahead and give it some practice.”

  Civetta’s mouth opens and closes without the involvement of noise for a while. “But… I mean you… Um…”

  “What?”

  She jerks back like she was trying to hide something, but my total lack of anything else to say doesn’t give her much wiggle room. “That last sentence actually sounded good. Like you were speaking with your real voice and everything. Not the ‘what’ just now. That one was slow-mo again.”

  Thinking it through for a few subjective minutes, I nod in understanding. “So now all my statements have to be concise. But not too concise…”

  Civetta looks more disappointed than excited as she admits the truth. “Yeah, that’s actually a big improvement. I guess you found something that kind of works. But isn’t it so much better not to think about it at all?”

  I shake my head. “You don’t understand. I think about it every second of every day. Always have. But I almost never actually have time for that to get anywhere before I had to make a decision. That’s my problem. Or at least it was. But this? It’s the closest I’ve ever come to a real solution.”

  Civetta just stares at me for a moment before letting out a wooden sigh. “I guess you already know your breathing rate never changes?”

  I squint at her. “What about it?” Does she know something I don’t?

  But apparently, she doesn’t. “It’s weird.”

  Having already known that better than anyone, I unclench.

  She seems to take that as some sort of signal or something. “Look, I’m not judging. I like weird. But it’s definitely weird. Kiiinda makes it feel like I’m talking to a robot.”

  Huh… “I never considered that. But yeah, it makes sense I guess. If my flow through time gets faster or slower when I breathe at different speeds, then it tracks that my breathing rate would look stagnant to everyone else. That’s probably what ‘Universal Constant’ means, huh?”

  Civetta just looks defeated. “Still set on exacerbating the glitch, then?”

  Feeling a bit smug now, I flash her a grin. “Your own rules seem to imply this is only a glitch if I say it is. And if I report it as such. So I don’t. I mean I won’t. Overall, I am satisfied with the fair and correct result of using a Mod Stone on my Breathing Skill.”

  “You sound like a chipmunk again.”

  The next objective instant, my grin falters. “Hey, so… Where are my friends? Did they die too, or what?”

  Civetta shakes her head. “No, no, you were the only one who died. If it was a party wipe, I wouldn’t have been alerted like that. But you, the strongest in your group, died first, to enemies that should’ve practically fallen over on their own. Your three party members cleaned them up with no trouble, by the way. Between the easily preventable death and a few other things, you set off enough flags that we were alerted to your recent system log. And, to make a long story short, here I am.”

  “So why aren’t they?”

  Blinking, Civetta throws her hands together in an unreasonably loud clap. “Let’s cut to the chase! How about that? Here’s what I’m prepared to offer. You brought a couple Skills into the game, right?”

  “Yes? What does that have to do with-” My breath catches as my own comprehension hits me like a truck, even distracting me from commenting on the fact that an Admin just called Heaven ‘the game’. Eventually though, I start breathing again to instantly follow up. “What, exactly, are you getting at?”

  Civetta smirks like she’s about to hand out my share of treasure she smuggled from a vault. “Those Skills, along with their prerequisites. They’re what I’m getting at. I’m saying you can have them all. Right here, right now, including the Legendary one.”

  Holding my breath again, my response doesn’t change before I have to exhale. “What?”

  “Now, you’ll have to even out your CSI before you can get more higher-rarity Skills. And the Skill Points will be deducted from your present totals. Except… You don’t have that many Skill Points, do you?” Smile brightening, she snaps her fingers like she just came up with a solution to that most troublesome of hiccups. “How about we go ahead and level you up, right here and now, as an added bonus? Just let me fix this breathing issue before the snowball can really start rolling. I mean that in so many ways, you have no idea. Jessie… Help me help you.”

  With all my being, I fight an instinctual urge to jump on the offer that really does sound too good to be true.

  Instead, I hold my breath. Just the fact that it’s an offer at all… Can only mean what I have now is more valuable than a Legendary Skill. And more broken than me getting one at Level Nine. More broken than all that on top of a free level. But beyond all that… So what? Look at what I’m doing. Thinking it all over mid-conversation, with my own lung capacity as the only time pressure.

  I almost feel… Safe. Safe enough not to hurry. No reason to just blurt out the first coherent sentence I can form in time to reply at all. Like I can finally slow things down enough to really hear. To think. To talk.

  It takes most of the minutes I spend with my breath held to focus on keeping calm as I immediately, regretfully, with a lump in my throat, say what needs to be said. “No deal.”

  Civetta slumps in defeat, looking back up at me with pleading in her eyes. “Please? For me?”

  “You mean for the impatient lady always passive-aggressively tapping her foot at me every time I have to confirm a System thing?”

  Flinching, the Admin’s face reddens nearly enough to match her hair. “…Oh. Oh yeah…” With a sudden, final, awkward wave goodbye, she disappears in a blink of white light and feathers, leaving a single word to echo through the clearing. “Sorry…”

  I’m left just staring at where the Admin disappeared from.

  At a loss, I take a seat.

  [ RARE CHAIR DEPLOYED: BENCH HALF ]

  I don’t quite know what to make of that conversation. Civetta seemed so desperate. But why?

  Taking out the token, I flip it and watch with wrapped attention as it falls back down to the wood chips covering the Rest Zone ground.

  As I’d have to get out of my chair to pick it up again, it instead lands on the back of my outstretched wrist.

  It doesn’t even take practice to correctly predict that it’ll come up tails. Not when I can slow the landing all I want. Which is an advantage to be sure. But as much as a Legendary Skill right now?

  And why was she so pushy about it? Admins aren’t pushy. Ever. It’s one of their things. I just can’t wrap my head around it. I mean sure, this fixes a major social handicap. But why would that concern anyone but me?

  I flip the coin again. And again. I predict the result perfectly, and with almost no effort, every time. Even that doesn’t give me an answer. Not really. How is this a snowball effect waiting to happen? Let alone one so bad that they’d offer me the moon to avoid it?

  About an hour later, things become clear as the group returns. They seem surprised to find me sitting here.

  I unpause time when I realize that ‘baffled’ is the word I’m looking for. They’re baffled. That was bothering me for like five minutes.

  Breaking the silence, Ross is the first to say anything. In so doing, he utters seven of the most important words I’ve ever heard. That I’ll probably ever hear. Seven words that, together, even if only for the space between moments, capture my heart entire. “Hey, so… How’d you respawn so fast?”