[ NEW S.T.A.T.S — STRENGTH: MAGICAL=21 - PHYSICAL=20 — TENACITY: DEFENSE=21 - SPEED=20 — APTITUDE: MANA=21 - STAMINA=20 — TILT: CONTROL=21 - LUCK=20 ]

  [ NEW UNCOMMON CORE PASSIVE: EIDETIC MEMORY — EFFECT: SOUL/BODY LINK CLEANSED ]

  [ NEW UNCOMMON C.L.A.S.S. ACTION: ARCHERY / ATTUNED ARROW — EFFECT 1: YOU MAY CHARGE A NOCKED ARROW UP TO 1 ADDITIONAL TIME BEFORE FIRING — EFFECT 2: APPLIES ATTUNEMENT-BASED DAMAGE TO ALL CHARGES — COST: TINY MANA — STRENGTH SCALING: MAGICAL — WARNING: WITHOUT ATTUNEMENT, ELEMENT DEFAULTS TO SHINE ]

  [ NEW RARE C.L.A.S.S. ACTION: ARCHERY / ARROW BURST — EFFECT 1: YOU MAY CHARGE A NOCKED ARROW UP TO 1 ADDITIONAL TIME BEFORE FIRING — EFFECT 2: EACH CHARGE CAUSES 2 TIMES THE NUMBER OF ARROWS TO FIRE ON RELEASE — COST: MEDIUM MANA — TILT SCALING: CONTROL ]

  [ NEW COMMON CORE PASSIVE: AUTO LOOT — EFFECT: ITEMS AND EQUIPMENT WHICH YOU OWN BUT HAVE NOT CLAIMED WITHIN A 92-CENTIMETER RADIUS ARE AUTOMATICALLY ADDED TO YOUR INVENTORY — TILT SCALING: CONTROL ]

  [ NEW COMMON CORE ACTION: STIMULANT — EFFECT: ERASE TIREDNESS FOR THE NEXT 10 HOURS OR UNTIL DEACTIVATION — WARNING: WHEN DEACTIVATED, ALL DELAYED TIREDNESS WILL HIT AT ONCE — COOLDOWN: EXTREME — TILT SCALING: LUCK ]

  [ NEW UNCOMMON CORE TOGGLE: CLEANLINESS — EFFECT 1: ENVIRONMENTAL ELEMENTS YOU INTERACT WITH WILL NOT LEAVE ANY MARK ON YOUR PERSON OR CLOTHES — EFFECT 2: ANY FOREIGN MATERIAL NOT PART OF AN ACTIVE EFFECT WILL SLIDE OFF YOUR BODY— COST: MP DRAIN ]

  Finally, something new happens.

  As Jessie and I cast the latest of countless votes after our latest of countless battles with the latest of countless abominations, we aren’t teleported away.

  Instead, the rotting tree dungeon’s stagnant air goes completely inert. No, that’s the wrong word… Fresh. The stagnant air goes distinctly fresh. The transition is as unnerving as it is wonderful.

  We gaze on in refreshed, yet befuddled fascination as the tree we’re standing in simply un-rots right before our eyes.

  There’s no announcement. No fanfare. Only silence as we process what we just accomplished.

  Two weeks after arriving, we wordlessly leave what Jessie has officially dubbed ‘this gross fucking hellhole’. It’s finally gone. And it’s all we can do to process that fact.

  But there’s no celebration. No real excitement. Only a shared sigh of relief as we lay down our burdens and descend from the newly healthy giant sprawling tree.

  And so, after two weeks of hell, we re-enter Heaven. Having, it seems, changed it for the better.

  With a roughly 50% mix of declining exhaustion and building euphoria, the two of us start out at a dispassionate trudge. But our mood shifts over the many miles and we end up practically floating most of the way to where Ross and Rachel have been staying.

  It’s like any normal town. Except instead of pavement, there’s a thick, even distribution of moss marking every walking surface. And instead of buildings, there’s just massive tree stumps with sprawling rooms carved into them. Yet all the same franchises are present and accounted for, along with a few of what appear to be local favorites. At least it seems that way based on the perpetually-several-dozen-person lines stretching from all their entrances.

  [ WELCOME TO WELCOME HILL ]

  [ LEVEL UP: +1=7 — SKILL POINTS: 2 — S.T.A.T.S: STRENGTH=2 - TENACITY=2 - APTITUDE=2 - TILT=2 — NEXT LEVEL: 8,192 XP ]

  [ ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED - DUNGEON DESTROYER: YOUR VOTE TO DESTROY A DUNGEON HAS RESULTED IN ITS DESTRUCTION — REWARD: YOU MAY NOW VOTE AGAIN ON THE SAME DUNGEON CLEAR, AT THE COST OF HALF THE DINERO GAINED IN THAT RUN — XP: 32 ]

  [ ACHIEVEMENT MILESTONE REACHED: LEVEL 2 ]

  Walking through the logmade archway, I glance over at Jessie’s beatific smile into the middle distance. “Feels good doesn’t it?”

  “You know..? It really does.”

  Rachel meets us just inside Welcome Hill, hands on hips.

  Ross stands impatiently next to her with his own arms folded. “So… You done?”

  Neglecting to register the curtness in Ross’s question, Jessie smiles just as wide, only at him now. “Yep!”

  Only it doesn’t seem to brighten his day overly much at all.

  But in the spirit of not leaving half of our team pissed at the other, especially since I’m half of that other, I’ve already prepared for this eventuality.

  So I do a quick attention-grabbing sleight-of-hand flourish that ends in me holding up two tokens at our average eye-level. So basically, a bit under Ross’s and mine, just under Rachel’s, and way above Jessie’s.

  I only let my own smile show once they notice what I’m holding. “How about lunch?”

  One unanimous agreement and trip to Welcome Hill’s Restaurant door later, I follow up with some advice based on past experience. “Try the burgers.”

  True to her word, as soon as we get inside, Jessie practically leaps into the seat directly facing the city and immediately orders a literal pile of them. They show up almost as immediately and from then on, she’s dead to the world.

  Taking the leftmost seat, Ross does look interested in a burger of his own.

  But Rachel shakes her head as she sits to Jessie’s right. “I’m vegan.”

  Having been left the worst spot despite paying for everyone, I lean forward in my chair facing away from the massive window to Central. “…Why?”

  “I don’t support animal cruelty.”

  “I can respect that. My wife was a vegetarian, actually. Still is, God willing…” Oh there’s that mental spiral again.

  As I clamber out, a moment of silence passes, pointedly enunciated by Jessie’s ravenous chewing.

  I think I might just need to stop bringing her up unprompted. “Anyway, all meat is generated by the System on-request.”

  Rachel just stares blankly at me for a second before her mouth falls open. “So… Wait, no animals were ever involved in any of the meat in this restaurant?”

  I take a big bite of the burger already in front of me, and don’t have to fake the euphoria I only exacerbate by chewing through my confirmation. “Nawp.”

  Savoring the bite, I put on a show of swallowing. “Not just the Restaurant. All of Heaven works like that. And not just for food. If you’ve ever wanted to give leatherworking a shot, all of it is well and truly cruelty-free.”

  By the time I take another bite, Rachel is already looking around enviously at the rest of us enjoying burgers of our own. “Well goddamn…” She turns to the seemingly omnipresent waiter. “Gimme one o’ them shits.”

  I chuckle through another bite of my burger. “So fast?”

  Rachel practically drools as the perfectly-grilled burger is instantly rolled out to her. “No one goes vegan because it tastes better.” She takes a bite as soon as it’s dropped in front of her. Then two more in quick succession. Only then does she pause long enough to moan in ecstasy. “Oh my god, YES.”

  A dozen, apparently, burgers later, Jessie exits her feral food trance and looks at me. “So hey, I’ve been thinking…”

  I look up from my own third burger. “Yeah?”

  “Do you know what a ‘True Random Mod Stone’ is?”

  My eyebrows raise slightly before settling just a smidge higher than where they started. “Maybe. Not that I’m trying to be vague. The fact that it’s not a ‘yes’ is telling. I got Eidetic Memory a month back… Great Skill by the way. I don’t know how to describe it. Like there was a layer of scum covering my entire spirit. And now it’s just… Gone. It was actually a lot like when I first turned on Cleanliness. Or when I bought Central Air. That happened the last time we were here, come to think of it.”

  Looking down at her food, Jessie grumbles out a shrug.

  Interesting response… I really hoped I could get her to splurge on it like she did for me back then. Ah well… “It just so happens that I read through all the System help books I could find while shooting limbs off of helicoptering slime grenades. None of it mentioned anything like ‘true’ in regards to Mod Stones.”

  I try to head off Jessie’s visibly disappointed skepticism. “That doesn’t mean they don’t exist or anything. Maybe they’re just so rare they aren’t well-documented. If you don’t know what it does, why not sell it? I bet it’d go for a fortune. I’d be surprised if it didn’t pay off the katana from that first town in full.”

  Jessie’s eyes widen as she vigorously shakes her head. “Oooh no. You said something like that last time we talked about this. But every single Mod Stone is a permanent unlock just waiting to happen. You’d have to be crazy not to use the rare ones on yourself, right?”

  As much as I hesitate to entertain that skewed logic, I nod along for lack of an argument before thinking of literally anything to discourage the girl’s recklessness. “Well, if it really were permanent, then sure. But any Mod you use on equipment goes right down the toilet when you get new gear. Same for Skill mods when you respec.”

  Jessica drops her fork. “What? Why?!”

  “It’s a respec. When your CLASS or CRAFT changes, the old Skills go too. You get the Skill Point back, but none of the Mod Stones.”

  “No, I mean why would I respec? Also, you can mod Skills?! I thought that was an equipment-only thing!”

  It’s all I can do to stare vacantly back at her. “Y-ye-”

  “GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!!!” Jessie jumps up and the stone under foot cracks at her repeated stomping. “You’re telling me… That this entire time… I could’ve modded that stupid-ass water breathing Skill?!”

  Ross tries to comfort her, I think. “Come on now. It can’t be that bad, can it? I saw you using it all the time before we split up. Can’t really speak for the last two weeks, but why the sudden turn?”

  Jessie grinds her teeth. “Of course I have it on all the time… IT’S PASSIVE!!!”

  I rack my brain. “What about an Attunement? When you pick an element, wouldn’t that Skill’s element go with it? I know that’s how it works with my Attuned Arrow.”

  Jessie barks out a self-deprecating laugh. “Yeah… And how long til that happens? Months? Years?

  Ross chokes on his food. “Years?!” He takes a big swig of Cherry Coke Zero.

  After a well-fought battle to swallow, he manages to dislodge whatever was stuck in his throat. “I know we just spent the last few weeks at a standstill, but I figured that would be an exception. Not the rule. Maybe it was just because we could see our destination from the start, but I really didn’t think I was signing up for a multi-year thing here.”

  Rachel gestures placatingly at him. “Woah there… I agree with the sentiment. But I’m sure that’s not what Jessie was saying.”

  She looks over for confirmation. “Right?”

  Jessie seems a little flustered. “What? I mean, No? I was just saying that I don’t want to wait that long to not be throwing water around every time I swing a sword. Not now that I know I can stop it without respeccing.”

  Instantly losing all interest in the conversation, Ross digs back into his meal.

  So I turn back to Jessie. “But you said you only have the random stone, right?”

  “Nope, got an Uncommon too. But… Wait a second… Yeah, no. I just checked the options for Elemental Breathing, and Mods that change the element start at Rare.”

  This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author's consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.

  “What if you end up getting something worse than water? Or not even an element at all?”

  “Honestly? Anything would be better. I mean sure, the extra damage is nice. But it’s like a fucking squirtgun every time I swing my damn sword. I’ve been trying not to splash all over myself. But a big part of what made the last two weeks such a nightmare is that I was always, ALWAYS wet!”

  Ross snickers through slurping up a spaghetti noodle.

  Jessie points a filthy fork at him. “Shut up.” Then she turns back to me and away from a scandalized Ross. “Stupid Cleanliness Skill doesn’t work on pure water… And being drenched all the time does NOT work with my fighting style. It’s just fucking annoying is what it is. So, yeah. Anything else is good. I just wish I knew Skills were moddable two weeks ago.”

  Rachel looks up, mouth full of her first good burger since she went vegan. “You really didn’t know you could mod Skills? What’d you think the little empty slot next to all of them meant?”

  Jessie looks confused for a second, then briefly angry at herself as she browses her system menu before finally shrugging in defiant resignation. “Fuck if I know. All this shit’s still new to me. I’ve got no clue what most of it is and all these numbers and graphs… Not like I can count on knowing everything before I do anything anyway. Let alone a random empty circle.”

  Jessie slumps in her chair and tears apart another burger as her defiance evaporates. “But yeah… I noticed the slot the first time I saw it. I just never got around to looking it up. I always had something better to do. It wasn’t in the way, so I just let it be. How should I have known it was so fucking vital?”

  Ross pipes in again. “It’s the same shape as the mod slots on Equipment.”

  “Oh shut up.”

  “And while I’m at it, you really should familiarize yourself with all those ‘numbers and graphs’ you mentioned. A lot of easy ways to screw yourself over if you don’t know what you’re doing…”

  Jessie narrows her eyes, flips him off, and otherwise silently wolfs down what is unmistakably still the best food she’s eaten since the last time we were here.

  Eventually, I break the silence. “So the respec thing…”

  “What about it?”

  “You asked why you would do that? I know you know what it means. So your dismissal of it isn’t the usual confused avoidance of yet another risky, complicated thing that most people never bother with.”

  Ross and Rachel nod fervently to each other through persistent mutual chewing.

  I ignore them both, but especially Ross’s hypocrisy. “So you’re really sure you’ll keep your starting CLASS and CRAFT? I seem to remember a certain someone complaining about a certain lack of agency regarding a certain topic more or less constantly last month.”

  I screw up my face for my best Jessie impression, planning out how to feign sobs that sound more and more uncontrollable by the syllable. “The FUCKING game picked it FOR me-hee-heee..!”

  Some time passes. I’m not sure how much. Or what Jessie’s reaction is. I’m far too busy pretending to wipe my eyes of all these imitation tears.

  Jessie waits patiently for my little show to end before kicking my shin under the table, even while clearly fighting back a smile. “Well now Imma use ’em both.”

  Really? Just because I made fun of her? “Alright, I guess. Long as you’re sure, far be it from me to talk you out of it. And if I’m not talking you out of it, I might as well work against you complaining incessantly about it for the whole rest of the trip after you jump in without looking again.”

  I fight back a smirk at her insulted look at my admittedly harsh roast. “For that, we need information. So let’s start with its description. What does the description say?”

  Still retaining a residual mix of looking smugly scandalized, Jessie shakes her head. “Just ‘ASSIGNS A RANDOM MOD’.”

  I try to think it through from every angle. “Y-yeah… That is wildly unhelpful, isn’t it?”

  I take a bite-filled moment to brainstorm. “So since neither of us knows what a ‘true’ random mod stone does, how about I just fill you in on ‘normal’ random ones? Make your decision according to that and whatever the ‘true’ bit intonates can be a cherry on top of that sundae.”

  Jessie shrugs noncommittally. “Sounds good, I guess. But what’s a cherry? And what do you mean by ‘Sunday’? Like the weekend?”

  Ross’s eyes go wide. “Oh my god… That is so, so sad.”

  Rachel looks like she’s about to cry before giving Jessie clearly the most important advice she’s ever imparted. “Order one right now. No arguing. Just do it. Actually, hold on a sec. Ice cream here doesn’t involve animals either, does it? Alright, I’m getting one too. Two of them, even.”

  She cranes her head challengingly at the waiter. “Three…”

  Looking skeptical as always, Jessie nonetheless orders a sundae, using a fry like a baton to wave me on with my explanation.

  I smile back indulgently. “Okay so let’s say you use your Uncommon Stone on that Skill of yours. You’ll get to pick from all the Uncommon mods compatible with it. Which, being Uncommon, will probably net it a small additional boost to range or damage or something. Same goes for all the other rarities too.”

  “So different Skills have different Mods?”

  “Everything has different mods. It all depends on the type of thing that it is. Like, a boost to fire damage doesn’t make sense on a weapon incapable of fire damage. So, ‘Boosted Fire Damage’ won’t be available as a mod. But ‘Added’ fire damage might be featured among the Rare ones. Or void or lightning or whatever.”

  “Seems simple enough. So then what about my random one?”

  “I’m getting to it. It’s just that Random Mod Stones have a weird relationship with rarity, so I felt like I needed to make sure we were on the same page there. But alright, say you use a Random on the same Skill. That’ll give you a 50% shot to get a random one of the Common Mods compatible with it. And a 25% chance to get an Uncommon one. 12.5% for Rare, and so on and so on until you have a whole 1.5% chance to walk away with a Mythic.”

  Jessie seems to be counting off percentage points on her fingers. “So what about the other 1.5%?”

  Was… Was she always that good at math?

  “I shake my head. “Nothing.”

  “Meaning..?”

  I make spooky hand-wavy motions. “Nooobody knooows… Kidding.” I drop my hands. “Meaning you get nothing. Just a consumed stone and a filled slot.”

  Jessie waves an ice cream-covered fry at me. “So then it’s stuck? How stuck? Like forever stuck? Seriously?”

  Rachel looks at the fry Jessie’s holding. Then at her own ice cream. To her fries. Back to Jessie. Back to her food.

  I shake my head at Jessie. “You can change to another mod and re-use the slot. But that’ll earn you the same amount of XP-Debt as when you die. So most people don’t tend to bother unless they get a bad mod on something high-rarity. But you really shouldn’t be using Random Mod Stones on anything like that, so…”

  “Sounds like a massive pain in the ass. So then my random mod’s just garbage?”

  “They’re pretty popular for how dirt-sheap they are. It’s more gambling than anything. Low risk, high reward. So if you pop one into every piece of halfway-decent gear you find, sooner or later, you’ll land a high-rarity mod that turns your relative trash into actual treasure. Even if most of it ends up turning trash into slightly different trash, the money you get from the good ones will more than pay for all the rest.”

  “So now you want me to just throw it into whatever and roll the dice?”

  “As a matter of fact, smartass… NO. At your level, I’d actually recommend throwing it into a Skill you don’t have a good use for. Your Attunement Breath for example.”

  “Wait, you literally just said no one does that. You know… Because it’s stupid? And weren’t you trying to convince me not to?”

  I shake my head. “To answer your second question first, you absolutely shouldn’t do it. I’m working under the assumption that convincing you not to is a lost cause.”

  “Fair. What about the part where you’re flip-flopping?”

  “I said ‘most people’ don’t do it. ‘Most people’ have also been here for far longer than us. So the prospect of XP Debt means that much more to them. But at our level, we’re not about to find good Mod Stones anytime soon. And using it on any gear you have now would land you a trash item even with a Mythic Mod on it. But unlike Equipment, Skills scale forever if you really never respec.”

  I shrug. “You’ll probably just end up swinging around a wet sword that sprays a little wider than it does now. Or you could luck into something overpowered for someone in the single-digit levels. But even if you lock the Mod Slot, that’s what? A few days? A week to work off that debt? In the double digits, that kind of debt can set you back months or even years. So yeah. At double your level, I’d laugh at you for even taking the risk. But right here? Right now? It’s actually a pretty safe bet.”

  But Jessie isn’t listening. She’s clearly been in her own little world ever since I said ‘Mythic’, at which point she started stream-of-consciousness mumbling to herself. “‘True’ sounds like it modifies ‘Mod Stone’, but Randoms aren’t actually ‘random’… So, does mine just even everything out so I’d have the same chance of getting a Mythic mod as I would a Common? Or maybe it randomizes the type of mod? So would I be just as likely to get any given element as I would a range increase? Or-”

  “I’m sorry, Jessie. I really don’t know.”

  At the sound of her own name, Jessie jerks out of her relatively non-food-based trance and back to reality. “What? Sorry, I wasn’t listening.”

  But I already knew that. “It’s fine. Your guess is as good as mine anyway.”

  Jessie chomps down on another ice-cream-coated fry from her third sundae. “It’s just a hard decision, you know? So few resources, and so many things to use them on. I mean I’ve gotten… I don’t even know how many Skills since I’ve been here. Not to mention armor. Not to mention weapons. Not to mention all the other shit we come across every day. But only two Mod Stones. And both from either killing or getting killed by another human. Is PvP the only way you get them or what?”

  Ross and Rachel flinch back from Jessie in alarm.

  I just shake my head. So many red flags from this girl. And so young. Younger than I’ve ever trained. Except she never needed training. Or conditioning. Or convincing. Not to fight. Or injure. Or kill. She just did it all right away. She never even registered any of it as a problem. Unlike… What? Whether or not to use a silly little lottery stone?

  I do eventually break out of my fugue state. “Actually, I started with one, remember?”

  “Oh yeah… For your blanket, right?”

  “Exactly. An incredibly stupid and short-sighted move if I’ve ever made one. I guess part of why I’m trying to help you make an informed decision is so you don’t regret it the way I regret wasting mine. No one, not me, not us, not anyone, has the right to tell you what to do. Especially when it comes to building your own power. Only… I just hope you’ll do it in a cool, calm, and…”

  I trail off when I notice Jessie’s gone despondent again and clearly isn’t listening. Because I reminded her she skipped the bonus item?

  When she comes out of it in a far less exuberant mood, she folds her arms and mumbles at the table. “Anyway, I made you all armor… It’s not as great as whatever I didn’t get in that field, but…”

  She spasms in her seat. “But at least it’s some slick black armor I smithed from those things we were fighting. So, it’ll be an extinct material if I have anything to say about it.”

  Ross chuckles, seeming to finally recover from his flubbed joke. “Did you just declare a holy war on… What? That specific mob?”

  Clearly needing to think that through, Jessie eats the rest of her food before replying. “Really any troll-ass brand of monster. But for now, I’ll keep my little genocidal crusade to just the ones I run into.”

  “So what if we find another? Or more? What if you take issue with every dungeon from here to Central?”

  Another plate arrives.

  Jessie looks at it. Then at him. Back to the plate.

  With a visible effort of will, she holds back from touching it. “I think I get where you’re going with this. For the sake of our trip, I can keep it to just the one.”

  Falling into her somehow-still-extant hunger, she lets out a satisfied sigh like she hasn’t gorged herself already as she takes the first bite of her something-teenth burger. “It’s a long-term goal. But I cleared my first cesspit already, so that’ll have to be good enough for now. Even if they all really do need to go. I’m not compromising on that. But it’s not like they’re going anywhere. If they do, all the better. But the rest can come later either way.”

  Shrugging she looks flatly at the three of us in turn. “Anyway, here’s your armor. It looks just like the armor you gave me when I asked for stuff you liked the look and feel of, but that you couldn’t use anymore.”

  [ TRADE QUERY: JESSIE — OFFERED: COMMON SLIZARDIC HELM - COMMON SLIZARDIC CUIRASS - COMMON SLIZARDIC PAULDRONS - COMMON SLIZARDIC FAULDS - COMMON SLIZARDIC LEFT GAUNTLET - COMMON SLIZARDIC RIGHT GAUNTLET - COMMON SLIZARDIC LEFT GRIEVE - COMMON SLIZARDIC RIGHT GRIEVE — REQUESTED: $1 USD ]

  Rachel’s eyes water a little. “Oh Jessie… You shouldn’t have.” But then her smile falters. “Is this all… Heavy Armor?”

  Jessie winces. “Yeah… Sorry, I can’t make anything else. CRAFT restriction. But feel free to trade it or sell it or whatever you want. It’s yours. One of the Skills I could get would let me convert Medium or Light Armor into Heavy. So I bet you won’t have to look far for a light or medium armor blacksmith to change it for you. Maybe even in Welcome Hill.”

  Rachel blushes. “Wow… You put a lot of thought into this, didn’t you?” She belatedly beams at Jessie. “Thank you.”

  I wholeheartedly agree.

  [ TRADE ACCEPTED: JESSIE ]

  [ ITEMS GAINED: COMMON SLIZARDIC HELM - COMMON SLIZARDIC CUIRASS - COMMON SLIZARDIC PAULDRONS - COMMON SLIZARDIC FAULDS - COMMON SLIZARDIC LEFT GAUNTLET - COMMON SLIZARDIC RIGHT GAUNTLET - COMMON SLIZARDIC LEFT GRIEVE - COMMON SLIZARDIC RIGHT GRIEVE ]

  [ USD LOST: $1 ]

  Ross nods emphatically. “Oh that’s more than okay. As long as I stay above the threshold, there’s no loss from the weight difference. I can’t wear it all at once, but I can definitely incorporate at least half the pieces into what I use now. It’s a great gift. Thank you. Just a bit surprising is all. I never thought you were one to just give out gifts on a whim.”

  Jessie shrugs, looking distinctly less comfortable than when he insulted her. “I can make it myself now. Not like I didn’t have the spare parts. Besides… I wanted to thank you guys somehow.”

  “What? What’d we do?”

  “You waited around. For two whole weeks. That’s not nothing.”

  Ross blinks. “…Huh…”

  “What’s that?”

  “Nothing, it’s just… I didn’t know you cared.”

  “It was two weeks for me too, you know. A fulfilling yet boring two weeks where, among other things, I thought about a lot of stuff. And I kept getting all those materials… It only seemed right. I mean I still have so many. I actually wish I could make stuff other than Heavy Armor. I’ve probably got enough raw grossest-shit-ever parts to make anything there’s a blueprint-.”

  Interrupting herself, Jessie seems to remember something. “Actually, that reminds me. I do have all those weapons. You guys want a weapon? They’re all sleek and black and shit. I can’t condone the monsters themselves, but they dropped some pretty good stuff. Not enough for me to regret excising them from Heaven, but still…”

  Rachel takes less time to think it through than for the diatribe to run its course. “Got any wands? Or a staff? I’d prefer a wand, but I’d still love a new staff.”

  Jessie smirks at her. “Here’s both.”

  The next moment, Rachel’s unfocused eyes light up. The one after that, she’s holding a long black staff above the table. It’s practically throbbing with not-quite-latent energy.

  Ross looks at her askance and tries to cover his food from whatever’s about to fall off the thing. “Put that away. Think of where it’s been.”

  He raises an eyebrow at Jessie after confirming Rachel’s chastised removal of the monstrosity-remnant from above his food. “Got any beds?”

  I kick him under the table.

  Ross winces, but pretends he didn’t.

  Jessie doesn’t seem to notice either way. “Sorry, no. I did get one of those. But I’m using it.” Then she seems to remember something. “Wait, since when the fuck is that a weapon?”

  “I guess you’re right… Got any katanas?”

  “You… Want a katana?”

  “Two.”

  “You want TWO katanas?”

  Ross nods, ignoring glares from Rachel and I. “She got two. I thought that’s what you were offering.”

  “Yeah, sure. But are you though? Sure, that is?”

  A few seconds of silence later, Jessie shrugs. “Alright. Good choice. Man after my own heart.”

  Ross’s eyes dart all around, clearly surprised at what he sees in his trade window, growing only more surprised after accepting. “You sure? I know what you’re building to. You need all the katanas you can get.”

  Jessie shakes her head. “I said any weapon was fine. And I meant it. Besides, I don’t need ‘All the katanas I can get’. At most, I’ll only ever need three of the same one. And… I mean, we were in there for two weeks. I still have seven of those katanas after the two I gave you.”

  Ross looks like he choked on a meatball. “Oh… But I don’t really use katanas.”

  “I know.”

  “So… Any way I can get some different weapons?”

  Rachel walks around the table to smack him upside the head. “You made your bed with this one. And we’re all gonna watch you lie in it.”

  Ross looks flustered for a moment before sighing in resignation. “Yeah… I guess that’s fair.”

  Then he shuts up and eats his spaghetti.