Don't want him to leave

  Yu Tian said he misses me, this sentence I can't tell whether it's true or false for the time being, but I know very clearly that I like to hear it because it sounds good. His voice is pleasant to listen to, and what he says is also pleasant to hear, most importantly, I am willing to listen.

  I think, even if he says a sentence that he loves me and likes me, I would also be happy to hear it. Of course, whether or not to accept is another matter. Just like when Lin Yue asked me if I wanted to be with him, I was genuinely happy, this little thought of girls, is just vanity.

  Yu Tian hugged me for a while before letting go, I guess he was tired. He wasn't fully recovered from his previous injury and had rushed to find me, then went out for several days again.

  His face seems thinner, but still looks good.

  But soon, I found Yu Tian staring at my mouth, no other meaning, just staring, looking and looking like he had discovered some clues. Lin Yue kissed me, I was sad for a while, but being seen by Yu Tian made me feel a bit ashamed, eager to escape.

  I'm going to sleep.

  "Wait a minute."

  He didn't have a particularly tough tone, still with a hint of negotiation. I hesitated for a moment and walked back.

  "I said, 'Didn't you say last time that we should have a good talk? Actually, I also have something to clarify with you.' Yu Tian looked at me, and I continued, 'You understand, once it's clear, there's no need to see each other again.'"

  Yu Tian nodded, I understood that his small action was also quite embarrassing. Before it even started, I had already given him the answer. It's like an exam, knowing that even if you score a hundred points, you'll still be eliminated, and he has to go to the examination room with a stiff upper lip.

  I cursed in my heart, you're really something, Cai Xi.

  Regarding that matter, Yu Tian and I were planning to discuss it outside, as it's not suitable to talk about at home. Going into my room would be even more inappropriate, and I'm actually a bit afraid he might suddenly lose control of his beastly nature. Yu Tian also tacitly gave me a look indicating agreement to go out and talk, just like he assumed that if he entered my room, he really wouldn't be able to restrain himself.

  But we all overlooked one thing, when it's time to send something, it's sent everywhere.

  I took two umbrellas from the closet, Yu Tian walked over and looked at me with disdain, then put one of them back, so we went out like that under one umbrella.

  The rain outside was still quite heavy, so in order not to get wet, I had to lean against Yu Tian's side, and the closer I got, the more he directly hugged me, and even laughed out loud.

  This is his purpose of holding an umbrella, I knew it long ago, just didn't want to say.

  I poked Yu Tian's stomach and said with great disdain, "You're really a coward!"

  Yu Tian continued to smile, "Do you like it?"

  I like it, of course I do. What's not to like? Even if Yu Tian was here and did that thing to me, I'd still like it. Sometimes people are just stupid, this sickness is hard to cure, but what comes out of my mouth is that I don't like it.

  We found a small pavilion to sit down, and Yu Tian took off his outerwear to pad the stone bench before letting me sit. He was really considerate, from the beginning when we were together, he never let me drink raw water, get rained on, or sit directly in cool places, because my physical condition wasn't too good, he often brought me some brown sugar water and even helped me remember the dates, at that time I was particularly disgusted and said "is it because you're afraid I won't be able to have children for you in the future?"

  Yu Tian thought for a moment and then seriously nodded his head.

  Now thinking about it, that kind of small happiness was really hard to come by at first.

  After really sitting down, the topic of our conversation was somewhat difficult to expand on. I wanted to ask Yu Tian, but it felt a bit like interrogating a prisoner, and where should we start? It should be Xiaoxing.

  That child, probably wasn't born yet. Thinking of this, I feel that I'm not being very kind. These past few years, I've thought about it countless times, one day if I were to see a kid who looks like Yu Tian, what would I do? The answer is, I definitely wouldn't like it.

  He was born with someone else's, why should I like it.

  The result was Yu Tian asking me first, his first question, I felt very difficult to answer, he asked me why I wanted to break up with him.

  Yu Tian's question was a bolt from the blue to me, I always thought what he said was an apology or explanation to me, but as soon as he opened his mouth, it turned out that the one being interrogated was actually me.

  I was unhappy and didn't care about the umbrella in Yu Tian's hand as I ran out.

  Yu Tian grabbed me, he was anxious and said "What are you doing?"

  I'm even more anxious, "What are you talking about? You're playing with two boats at once and now you come to interrogate me?"

  "When did I have one foot on each of two boats?"

  Yu Tian pulled me back and then pressed on me to sit properly, his eyes looked quite innocent, but I didn't believe him, murderers don't usually confess directly, he had been hiding it from me at first too. Suddenly, I felt very disappointed.

  I want to speak out, but I feel it's hard to bring up. How should I say it? Should I just openly shout at him: "Yu Tian, you have no shame! You slept with my best friend and even got her pregnant?" There are some things that I just can't say out loud. If we really clarify everything, it seems like we'll never be able to go back to the past. If Yu Tian didn't have a girlfriend now, if he and Xiao Xing were also in the past... maybe, maybe I could deceive myself into thinking nothing ever happened.

  After all, I still love Yu Tian. This feeling has only grown stronger over the past four years, and even in hatred, it never stopped loving. If he really owes me something, using the second half of his life to repay it is enough.

  And what I want most is actually just a simple and pure love that loves me deeply for the rest of my life.

  I still didn't say a word, but Yu Tian seemed to see something in my eyes. He squatted down in front of me and used his fingers to wipe away the slight moisture from the corners of my eyes.

  "Xie Xi, tell me, was it four years ago that you misunderstood something and insisted on breaking up with me?"

  I looked up at him, misunderstanding. This was the first time I had heard this word come out between me and Yu Tian. I still told Yu Tian everything about Xiaoxing, including what I saw and what I heard, telling him completely, while speaking, I felt uncomfortable, that kind of discomfort came from the bottom of my heart, so many years I didn't want to recall things often became nightmares, but now, I said it myself. Yu Tian held my hand all along, he just quietly listened until I finished, then asked me, "If I tell you, I don't know her at all, do you believe me?"

  I shook my head, I didn't believe it. I clearly saw them kissing under the big tree. On the second day after Christmas, he still had the scarf I knitted for him around his neck. I wouldn't have mistaken that.

  Yu Tian saw that I didn't mean to talk to him again, so he held my hand.

  He said, "Four years ago, something did happen between us, but it wasn't what you think. At that time, you suddenly said you wanted to leave, and I thought you were just going to study. I wanted to keep you, but I couldn't do that. I also thought you would come back, but after you left for a month, you sent me a message saying we should break up. That was the first message you sent me after leaving."

  I looked into Yu Tian's eyes, he really didn't look like he was lying, his eyes were shrouded in a thick fog.

  "Afterwards I sent you many messages, but you never replied."

  When I first went abroad, my mental state was not good. Even Sai Datong found a psychologist for me. It took more than a month to recover. I sent a message to Yu Tian saying we should break up, and then I threw away that SIM card.

  Even cutting off all means of contact between us, at that time I really thought that Yu Tian and I were over, I thought I had let him go.

  "Two years ago, I went to look for you. Google said you had a boyfriend, I didn't believe it, but after arriving in Tokyo, I realized how big the city was and how impossible it would be to find you. I stayed there for a month, going to every university asking if anyone knew you, but later due to company matters, I had to return. But do you know what? On the day I returned home, I saw you at the airport. You were really holding hands with a boy and walking out together. I wanted to chase after you, but in the end, I was afraid. I stood there watching as you both left together."

  I listened to Yu Tian's words, as if it were a distant story. He spoke very seriously, with a painful expression on his face. Like me, he had no choice but to dig up the most difficult memories and put them on display.

  What happened later, Yu Tian didn't say but I already knew. After he returned to the country, he became a completely different person, just like Lin Jing said. Yu Tian had a girlfriend, and in these two years, he didn't just have one girlfriend. To put it bluntly, he started living a completely different life. He couldn't be clear with those girls, not just one or two of them. How long did this kind of life last? Is it still like that now? I'm not sure.

  He now has a girlfriend, but what kind of relationship they have, I don't know either.

  The rain stopped, but the atmosphere between Yu Tian and me suddenly became very subtle. He only explained the misunderstanding about Xiao Xing with two words, but didn't tell me if he had a girlfriend now. I also didn't tell him that the boy holding hands with me was actually my younger brother Si Chen, not Lin Yue. Si Chen is my biological younger brother born to my father, Da Tong.

  The road back seemed a bit too short, Yu Tian still held my hand, and I didn't intend to let go either. When we reached the door of my house, I was thinking, did he want to come in or not? Was it really like what I said at first, that after this time, we wouldn't need to see each other again?

  He pushed me inside and didn't follow in himself. He smiled at me, "Get some rest early, I'm leaving."

  I stood there, momentarily at a loss, and didn't even realize when I reached out and grabbed his hand.

  Highly recommended: