Tassie eyed Adrian and Reya warily as she approached the table. Each step grew heavier and more difficult to take as dread and guilt warred with each other. Adrian was still out of sorts, clutching Reya’s hand like a lifeline. Gingerly, she took a seat across from them knowing that the conversation was going to be far from pleasant. “What do you want to talk about?” she asked in a neutral voice.

  Reya spoke up when Adrian remained silent. “I think you already know.” Tassie gulped nervously and waited for her to continue. “We didn’t appreciate you trying to pry information out of Adrian after telling us such shocking news.”

  “We?” Tassie raised a brow. “If it’s such a big deal, why doesn’t Adrian tell me himself?” The man in question stared at her, unblinking. She suppressed a shudder. His gaze was unnerving. Reya shot her an unimpressed look before focusing her attention to Adrian.

  “I know you’re curious,” Reya continued, not bothering to grace her earlier question with an answer, “but please stop asking for specifics. It’s hard to tell whether you’re asking out of concern as a friend or as a soldier. We’re not idiots. We know that everything we tell you about our time at the facility is destined for a report. Talking about what happened is already difficult. More so when we can’t trust that you’ll keep the information to yourself.”

  “I get that it’s difficult to talk about, but the Tribunal won’t let up until they know.”

  “What happens once they know?” Adrian said, speaking up for the first time. “All your Tribunal sees is a mystery to solve. What happens when I give them an even bigger mystery? After I tell them, I’m afraid they’re going to want to experiment on me like all the others that came before them.” His voice trembled. “You’ve seen my scars. Those are only a small part of the story. They did so much more to me than cut me open.”

  The look on Tassie’s face softened. “I’m not trying to put you back onto an operating table, Adrian. Maybe talking about it would help.” She knew that Reya was probably the only one that had any inkling of what had happened to Adrian during his time with the gru’ul. It was an open secret. She also knew, along with everybody else, that prying the information out of Reya was impossible.

  “It does. Having somebody there for you when you need them the most is probably the only reason I’m able to handle any developments regarding the facility at all. More so when that person means more to you than life itself.” Adrian turned his to face Reya. He raised her hand gave kiss, his lips lingering as he looked her in the eyes. “You’re a godsend. Have I ever told you that?”

  “No,” Reya smiled. “But you can tell me again.”

  Adrian focused back on Tassie. “There’s a lot to my story – none of it pleasant. There are things that happened between me and my fellow test subject that I’m not going to get into right now. Meeting him again is going to be hard. We didn’t part on the best of terms. You all seem to think that telling my story is a simple matter. But doing so is like reliving every single thing that was done to me. Dwelling on it reminds me of just how much I’ve truly changed.”

  “I’m sorry for trying to dig after giving you such shocking news,” Tassie said.

  “Apology accepted. Please, stop asking. There may come a day where I want to talk about it, but not right now. It’s not safe for me to share my secrets.”

  Tassie gave a slow nod. “While I wish you’d trust us a bit more, I understand why you don’t. I’ll try not to bring it up again. If you don’t mind me asking, why are you so insistent on not learning more about what was done to you? Aren’t you the least bit curious?”

  Adrian looked down at the table for a long moment before answering. His silence worried Tassie that she’d crossed a line with her question. “I remember each time a part of me was changed. Bit by bit, they turned me into something else. Something different. I don’t want to know what I’ve truly become or how much I’ve deviated from the original me. I’m not ready to face that truth. So no, I’m not curious.”

  “If you don’t want to know what was done, what about why you were experimented on?”

  “So I can what, understand the reason for my suffering?” Adrian spat. “Does that make it any better? What happened to me was horrific. I was vioted in ways you can’t even begin to imagine. Nothing could ever justify what was done to me in the name of science.”

  Tassie chewed her lip. She’d seen the video of one of Adrian’s experiments and supressed a shudder at the memory. She dreaded the moment they cracked the encryption on the Highest’s terminal. She’d be one of if not the first to learn of what had happened to him. Keeping that knowledge from Adrian was going to be difficult. “I get it,” she sighed. “Being experimented has to –”

  “No,” Adrian cut her off in a hard voice, “you don’t get it. What the gru’ul did was unforgivable. They deserve far worse than they got. Death was too kind for them.” At this thought, both Reya and Adrian’s faces darkened, and their eyes turned cruel.

  Tassie was taken aback by the naked hatred they dispyed. “Reya, do you believe that too?” Adrian she could understand, but she found the intensity of the emotion coming from Reya to be very unlike her. It was concerning.

  “You saw Adrian’s video. They did that to me, too,” Reya said. Her voice matched Adrian’s – hard and cold. There was no forgiveness to be found, nor would there ever be. It chilled Tassie. “They knew what they were doing and still chose to do it. That makes it even worse. No twisted fantasy of ours will ever come close to what they did. They may be dead now but by the gods how they deserve to have suffered first.”

  Tassie stared in shock. Processing Reya’s words drove home for her once again how much her friend had changed since her ordeal. Before being captured, such words would have appalled Reya. Yet there she was, saying them with such conviction that Tassie knew them to be true beyond a shadow of a doubt.

  She gave a Reya a long, searching look, wondering who the woman in front of her had become. Her expression morphed back into the seamless mask she wore when she was around others. But Tassie had seen now part of what was hidden from the world. “You’ve changed,” she said. It was all she could think of.

  “I have and I hope you never see just how much,” Reya said. “What happened to us makes changing inevitable. I’m still learning to cope.” This time it was her turn to squeeze Adrian’s hand for support. “But I need to accept that I’ll never be ok again. Not after that.” She gnced towards him. “We’re trying, but we’re not quite there yet. One day, maybe.”

  “All we’re asking,” Adrian said, “is that you and the others stop trying to find out what happened to me. I get that it’s your job, but I don’t owe you those answers.”

  “I’ll pass on the message,” Tassie said stiffly. Adrian and Reya both stood up, their hands still joined. They tucked in their chairs.

  “Thank you,” Adrian said before turning to follow Reya towards the music room.

  Tassie remained in the kitchen, lost in thought as she watched their receding forms.

  ***

  Rann swatted the tree branch out of the way, only for it to snap back to its original position and hit Tassie in the face. She winced at the undignified squeal that came from behind her and waited for Tassie to catch up.

  The past two weeks had flown by for everyone. Preparations were underway to accommodate their new arrival, which included making supply runs. Nobody was sure if he would eat as much as Adrian and so extra provisions were acquired.

  Adrian and Reya were turned down when they volunteered their help and so the couple spent long hours going on walks and holing up in the music room where they wouldn’t be disturbed. Things between them and Tassie had been rough at first after their talk, the issue stemming rgely from Tassie.

  “We’re never going to see the old Reya again, are we?” Tassie asked once she and Rann resumed their walk in the forest. It was a beautiful day, and the girls were determined to take advantage of the weather to get some much-needed privacy. She was starting to see the allure of going on long walks away from prying eyes.

  Rann cast a sidelong gnce, choosing her words carefully before answering. “No, we’re not. That person died at the facility and she’s never coming back.” She paused. “Is this what you wanted to talk to me about? Was your conversation with Reya and Adrian that concerning?” She’d been wary when Tassie approached her asking for some time alone together. None of their walks had been free from topics surrounding current events. She longed for the day when things would settle down and their holo-dramas went back to being a central topic. A light, easy, not dark and depressing whatsoever topic.

  “You didn’t see them while we spoke.” Tassie shook her head. “I get that I asked some things I probably shouldn’t have given the situation, but their reactions were so extreme. Even Reya’s – and we were talking about Adrian, not her. There was so much hate written all over their faces.”

  “It’s to be expected. They were both tortured. I can’t imagine they have anything nice to say about the experience. What is it exactly that has you so concerned?”

  “Reya genuinely wished suffering upon the gru’ul and all but admitted fantasizing about it. She would’ve never done something like that before. I’m worried, Rann. What’s happening to our friend?”

  “She’s still healing from her trauma,” Rann said softly. “She’s come a long way since we first found her cuffed to that table, but she’s not perfect. Forgiveness isn’t something I think she has the capacity for after what they did to her. You said you saw a video of Adrian’s experiments and that they did something simir to Reya. I’m not asking you for details, but just how bad was it?”

  Tassie shuddered. “I will never unhear those screams. I never thought a person could make such a sound. Or be in such pain. No matter what Adrian did in his life before becoming an experiment, he did not deserve that. Nobody deserves that. No one. I can’t think of a single instance where what they did to him would be justified doing to another person. It was that bad.”

  Rann digested Tassie’s reaction while searching for her next words. “I don’t ever want to watch that video if it’s as bad as you say it is.” She recalled their reactions at dinner the night after Tassie and the others had seen the experiment. “Would you be able to forgive the somebody if they did such a thing to you?”

  “Probably not,” Tassie admitted. “I don’t know what I’d do, if I’m being honest. But that much hate can’t be healthy. I don’t know how to help her. I hate that our friend has such warped views of the world.”

  “I think,” Rann said slowly, “that Adrian is the only one that can truly help her work through her trauma, much like how she’s helping him work through his. Our job is to support her and accept the person she’s become, even if she doesn’t know who that is yet. We pick her up when she falls, even if Adrian’s the reason she gets back up. We do what we can, but after a certain point the rest falls squarely on Reya.”

  Tassie sighed in frustration. “That doesn’t make it any easier. It’s hard to stand by and watch. I keep feeling like there’s something I should do and that the only way I could make it better is if I knew more about what happened.”

  Rann thought back to when she was upset with Reya for trusting a stranger with her secrets instead of her. “You’re in a position where you’re going to learn eventually. What are you going to do when you find out?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “You haven’t thought this through, have you?”

  “No,” Tassie said glumly. “I’m already keeping stuff from you guys. The more I learn, the more it sickens me. I don’t know what I’ll do when I find out the truth. What if it’s something he needs to know when it’s his express wish that he never learns what happened to him? What do I do?”

  Rann mulled over the question. “What you feel is best. Unless it’s immediately life-threatening, though, I probably wouldn’t tell him anything since that’s exactly what he wants. Whatever you choose to tell him, be careful. I trust Adrian never to harm Reya, but the rest of us are fair game. It’ll end badly if he snaps. If what happened to him is anywhere near as bad as what you believe, it’s incredible he’s civil at all.”

  “You can thank Reya for that. After what I saw, it’s a miracle they’re both not insane.”

  “Can you imagine if something happened to either of them?”

  “By the gods,” Tassie bnched, “don’t scare me like that. Have you seen their dependence on one another?”

  “Tassie, it’s something we need to think about. If one of the worst-case scenarios happens and, gods forbid, we lose one of them, how will we keep our remaining charge safe from themselves?”

  “We won’t be able to. Which is why we need to keep that from happening.”

  “We need to be ready for when Adrian gets discovered. I don’t know how the world’s going to react to him. We’ve had it easy until now, but that won’t always be the case.”

  Tassie nodded. “Hopefully the Tribunal has measures in pce to keep them safe. They’ve had months now to prepare.”

  “Months that they’ve spent focusing on the facility, rather than Reya and Adrian,” Rann pointed out. “I’m not even sure they have a pn at all. So far, all they’ve done is hide them away. We can’t stay here forever. Sooner or ter, our time here will come to an end.”

  “No need to sound so ominous.” Tassie waved her off.

  “Just saying.”

  “I’m more worried about when we find whatever was done to Adrian.”

  Rann chewed her lip. “That’s a good point. We should get ready for that too.”

  “That sounds like a tomorrow problem. We should focus on today first. What if we all took the night off and had an evening together as a group? Maybe have a drink or ten.” Tassie grinned.

  Rann narrowed her eyes in suspicion. “You just want to get drunk.”

  “Guilty,” Tassie chuckled. Her expression sobered. “I could really use it though after what I’ve learned while working with Irric. Who knows, maybe it’ll help Reya and Adrian.”

  “You’re hoping that they’ll open up more about what happened to them,” Rann accused. “Stop pushing. They’ll talk to us when they’re ready.”

  “It’s been months!” Tassie compined. “When are they going to be ready? The Tribunal has been breathing down my neck for answers I don’t have.”

  “That’s not your fault and they know that. I think that’s why they’re pcing so much importance on the other test subject.” Rann considered for a moment. “You’re right, we could all use a distraction right now. I’ll talk to the others when we get back. By the gods, could we all use the break. Let me handle Jyn, Reya and Adrian. You talk to the others.”

  “What do we do about Reya?”

  “If her behaviour worries you that much, bring it up with Kell so he can keep an eye on her. I’ll do the same. If I see anything concerning, I’ll pull Kell aside.” Tassie nodded and they psed into silence, each one lost in thought.

  The pair continued their walk, following the trail Adrian and Reya had shown them. They stopped to admire a rge patch of flowers adorning a clearing in the forest, their bright yellow and purple petals enough to put their worries aside – if only for a moment. But sometimes, a moment is all that’s needed.