Chapter 19 Bluff of a Lifetime

  Lucky facepalmed, shaking her head as she perched on a nearby branch. “Now the troll is on fire—literally and figuratively.”

  I couldn’t help myself. “Come on, Lucky! Don’t be such a troll!”

  Scruffy groaned from his spot on the tree trunk. “Guys, I think this isn’t the time for bad puns.”

  I waved a paw dismissively. “Gimme magic potions! I’ll burn that thing to ash!”

  Scruffy’s expression darkened. “We’re out of potions.”

  Oh.

  “Ah… crap. What about poison? Lucky, go and kill that thing!”

  “Hey!” Lucky snapped indignantly.

  Scruffy interjected, “When I said we were out of potions, I meant everything. We’ve still got food, though.”

  I sighed dramatically, slumping against Scruffy’s back. “Might as well have our last supper, then.”

  Lucky snorted. “It’s not even supper.”

  Before I could retort, a silver flash cut through the air. The troll froze mid-step, its head sliding clean off its shoulders. The massive body toppled over with a ground-shaking crash.

  From the opposite side of the clearing stepped an armored knight, his sword gleaming and his entourage of soldiers following close behind. The knight stopped, planting his sword in the ground with a flourish.

  “I am Luiz Amoro Martinez,” he declared, his voice dripping with self-importance. “And I’ve come for your life, Cat!”

  Well, this was awkward.

  Scruffy was clinging to the tree trunk in a hilariously uncomfortable position, and I was awkwardly hugging him from behind. If it weren’t for the Magic Bag wedged between us, it would’ve looked… compromising.

  I cleared my throat, speaking in my best Common Tongue. “There is no talking cat here!”

  Luiz tilted his head, his triumphant smirk faltering. “Uuuh…”

  Lucky, still in Cat Tongue, muttered, “Are you high from catnip right now?”

  Before I could respond, a robed figure from Luiz’s posse spoke up. “The ginger cat is likely the pyromancer. I sense severe magic exhaustion… and possibly an overdose on magic potions.”

  Another soldier raised a bow, aiming directly at us. Scruffy yelped and scrambled behind the tree just as an arrow whizzed past, narrowly missing us.

  I peeked out from behind the trunk, my tail puffed up in alarm. “Hey! Hey! Truce! Truce!” I called out in Common Tongue, waving a paw.

  The knight’s expression shifted to one of confusion, then frustration. “What sort of game are you playing, Cat?!”

  I forced a nervous laugh, my mind racing. “I mean, we can talk this out, right? No need for violence!”

  Lucky groaned from her perch. “Kaiser, you’re going to get us killed.”

  Scruffy hissed, “You think?!”

  And yet, despite the imminent danger, all I could think was how absurdly embarrassing this situation had become.

  “Any ideas?” I asked, trying not to sound as panicked as I felt.

  Scruffy clung to the tree trunk like his life depended on it—which it probably did. “Nope,” he grumbled.

  I sighed and addressed the shiny knight. “How about we call it a tie, eh?”

  Knight Luiz didn’t look amused. “Archers, kill that cat.”

  Three archers from his posse immediately broke off, flanking us to get a better shot.

  “Scruffy, move it!” I hissed.

  “I am moving! I am moving!” Scruffy yelped as he scrambled up the tree, the Magic Bag swaying dangerously on his back.

  Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author's preferred platform and support their work!

  Arrows whizzed past me, some close enough to ruffle my fur.

  “Move it faster, Scruffy!” I yelled, clutching the bark for dear life.

  Lucky’s voice came from above, snickering despite the chaos. “Hey, Kai, maybe you should bribe them!”

  I groaned. “Hey! Hey! Luiz guy!” I shouted in Common Tongue. “How about we bribe you?”

  Luiz sneered, not even pretending to consider it. “No need. We’ll just retrieve that Magic Bag you have with you.”

  Okay, dude. You were really leaving me no choice. Time to go all in.

  I took a deep breath, summoning all the drama I could muster. “Do you really want to fight me?” I growled, letting my voice drip with menace. “I swear… you are going to regret it. Do you think the cats of Felor uniting under me is a coincidence?”

  Luiz frowned but didn’t respond, so I pressed on.

  “The new age is coming,” I continued, my voice rising. “Think about it. Even if you fight and succeed, are you willing to pay the cost of being a kingslayer?”

  “Kingslayer?” Luiz scoffed. “You shall die today, Cat!”

  I puffed out my chest, glaring down at him from my perch. “My loyal subjects will swear vengeance in my name! Vengeance on Felor if necessary! You should have heard how vengeful cats can get!”

  “Archers!” Luiz barked, ignoring my words.

  I panicked. Time for the big guns. “Accept my offering, and we shall part ways peacefully!” I bellowed. “While I lack the magic right now, don’t think for one second I am harmless. I’ll pay with my life if just to smite you with my flames, human!”

  The archers hesitated, glancing at Luiz. The knight’s eyes narrowed as he assessed me, clearly debating whether I was bluffing or insane.

  “Scruffy, keep moving,” I whispered, barely daring to breathe.

  “Already on it,” Scruffy muttered, scaling higher.

  Lucky perched beside me, whispering, “Nice speech. Think it worked?”

  I gulped. “Not a clue.”

  Luiz’s glare burned into me. His sword gleamed in the fading sunlight.

  And then he barked a single word: “Advance!”

  Ah, crap.

  “You should be dead by now,” I called down to Luiz, my tail flicking with feigned confidence. “I shoot lasers from my eyes, you know?”

  Luiz didn’t even flinch. “Your prattling is getting annoying.”

  “Oh, yeah?” I shot back, smirking. “Your momma’s a whore!”

  Scruffy groaned. “What’s taunting him gonna do?”

  Apparently, it did something. Luiz raised his massive sword, took one heavy step forward, and—CRACK—he chopped through the trunk of our tree like it was nothing.

  “Scruffy!” I yowled as the tree tilted dangerously.

  Scruffy yelped, leaping clumsily to the next tree over. “Hey, Kaiser! Still got noodle legs, or what? I’ll drop you, damn it! I’ll drop you!”

  “Hey, stop switching between calling me boss and Kaiser!” I snapped as I scrambled for a foothold.

  “Priorities, man! Priorities!” Scruffy yelled back, gripping the bark for dear life.

  I huffed, muttering to myself. “Sorry, I think I’m high on potions or something…”

  Lucky’s voice cut through the chaos from a nearby branch. “Might as well lean into the bluff! I’ll show them what we cats can do!”

  Before I could respond, Lucky sprang into action. She flickered into invisibility midair, reappeared on an archer’s shoulder, and slit their throat with a vicious swipe of her claws. The archer toppled before the others even had time to react.

  Lucky leapt again, dodging arrows with impossible grace, landing on another archer. This time, she gouged their eyes out before finishing them off. The archer cried in pain as they clawed their face for some imagined enemy. A third archer didn’t stand a chance as she slashed their throat and disappeared into thin air.

  I couldn’t help myself—I laughed like a maniac. “Mwahahahaha~! Did you see that? That’s just one of my warriors! I have much more talented cats than her. And guess what? She’s the most brutal of my pride. If I die, she’ll use my death to unite every cat under her rule and avenge me just to prove a point!”

  Luiz glared up at me, his sword gleaming. “You burned almost an entire forest to hold us back, you pyromaniac savage.”

  Scruffy muttered, “You’re not very convincing… Where’d all that eloquence of yours go?”

  I sighed, gripping the tree tightly as I tried to balance. “I swear, it’s the potions in my veins making me act like this. And anyway, it’s not that easy speaking in Common Tongue, duh…”

  Scruffy groaned. “Great. Our leader’s high on potions and bad ideas.”

  Luiz raised his sword again, clearly done with my antics. “Cats or no cats, you die today!”

  “Yeah, yeah,” I muttered, feeling the adrenaline kick in. “Come and get me, shiny boy.”

  I tried to flip Luiz the bird, only to remember, Oh yeah, paws. “No longer noodle legs! We run!” I shouted, letting go of Scruffy’s scruff.

  I landed on a branch with a solid thud and broke into a sprint. Scruffy followed close behind, his claws scrambling for traction, while Lucky reappeared beside me with a flick of her tail.

  “After them!” Luiz’s shout echoed through the forest.

  “Hahaha~! Just like I planned!” I yelled back, grinning. “With my prattling, I bought enough time to rest my body!”

  Lucky didn’t miss a beat, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “You didn’t plan anything, doofus! Get your head in the game, or I’ll have you my babies!”

  Scruffy groaned, “Priorities, damn it!”

  Lucky chuckled. “No, no, you misunderstand, Scruffy. It’s a threat that usually works on him.”

  “Yeah, yeah, shut up… I know,” I muttered, focusing on my breathing as I pushed myself to recover mana. My body protested with every step, my reserves tapped dry, and my lungs burning.

  Scruffy glanced back, his ears twitching. “Pursuers… Two humans, one elf, and a gnome. Those are some tree climbers they’ve got.”

  Before I could respond, Lucky leapt ahead in a single bound. Her claws flashed as she parried two daggers aimed straight for my head.

  “Thanks, Lucky!” I panted, skidding to a stop.

  I summoned a fireball, feeling the strain ripple through me like a thousand needles. It was going to be my last one for now—I could feel it in my bones. “Scruffy, Lucky! We go hide and seek!”

  Under the cover of the exploding fireball, we dove lower, scrambling down the trees. The fiery blast lit up the forest, sending heatwaves through the air as leaves and branches crackled and fell.

  We darted into the thickets, pressing ourselves low into the underbrush. I held my breath, the faint scent of burnt wood mingling with the earthy smell of damp soil.

  “Quiet,” I whispered, feeling the tension in the air.

  Above us, the sound of boots on bark and hushed voices told us our pursuers were still searching.