I get up. I grab my shield. I don’t look for the eyes of anybody around me. And I walk to the exit.

  There’s an eerie silence as I leave the audience. I can assume that everyone is watching me as I descend down to the pit. Down to where Pait just died. As I walk out into the open air my head spins. This is it. Damn it, THIS IS IT! Tonight may be the last time that I breathe this warm night air, that I feel the weight of my body upon my legs. This may be the last time that I ever see my father. I may never see Aella again. I will never see Pait again. My friend. He didn’t stand a chance. His death hasn’t yet seemed real. I just watched so many people die. But they are really gone, all of them, including him. And I may be next. Tears escape from me. In my blurry eyes I see Sier, and Pait, struggling under the weight of their death. How did it feel when they were face to face with one of those savages? When they truly knew that there was nothing they could do? How much does it hurt when your throat gets torn open? Is that really going to be me?

  I round the walls of the arena. There is little time to ruminate, the time for that has passed. I see my father, his worn white face staring at me as I approach. He holds a mace. My fucking eyes won’t dry.

  “Dad”. When I see his eyes more clearly, I can see. They’re wet too.

  He hands me my weapons with shaking hands. His unsteady voice explodes out of him in a trembling burst. “Leo. S… Son. Look at me, here. Look.” Never in my life did I expect him to look at me the way he is right now. “Understand, you’re not dead yet. You’re alive! So keep your head up! Remember what I told you. Stay strong and vigorous. Stay controlled. You’ve got to win this. Please. Please son.”

  The world feels so heavy. So heavy. But, I nod.

  And he says, “Now, wipe your damn tears, and get out there.”

  I wipe my damn tears. And I get out there.

  As I walk into the shining, red pit, I look up. All these people, they look at me. Everyone I know who has not yet fought watches me, save Tavr. He will join the audience soon. At my feet, the rough sound of the tri-colored sand rubbing upon the arena floor grates my mind. Rathanni, he watches me too. I can feel it, I’m the last fight of this Grangari night.

  I’ve shown him my devotion, my strength, but also my weakness. I wonder. I wonder if he has any real control over what happens to me tonight. Maybe he doesn’t care. The Lion I fight is as much of his child as I am. But, I need to feel like I have some sort of his support. Why have I tried so hard if it didn’t matter?

  I hear the sand move behind me. Tavr, my father, dad-he approaches me. In his hand, a horn. Out here, watched by all those that he demands respect from, the white man appears much more composed than he did before.

  He hands me the horn and I take it. I look at him. What should I expect from him now?

  The father I look upon now is the one that I’m used to. His face muted, his emotion buried under his furrowed brows. He gives me a stiff clap on the back, and walks away without a word. Maybe this is how he wants me to remember him. A strong man that lacks the strength to feel.

  The gate closes with a sickening thud. I see the red moon in my horn before I swallow it. It lands warm and wet in my churning stomach. I’d better not throw it up.

  The drums above me start up again. Their slow, intentional beats beat my heart, preparing my body. I feel the energy of the arena start to pull me into itself, but I’d rather be anywhere else. There’s an abrasion upon my brain. I hear a fluttering sound in the air above me, and then a BOOM! I leap at the sound. Hot, yellow dust falls on me.

  The Lion’s gate opens. There it is. My Sol. It comes out of the gate slowly, and its scarlet eyes lock upon me. I look back at it. I wonder, what is it thinking? Is it afraid?

  It’s long, pale face is calm. It looks at me with confident disdain. I’ve seen how Lions look at their prey before they strike. Their ears are lowered, and their eyes are narrowed. Not this one now. It has more respect for its prey than it has for me. It thinks that I’m just here to prove its dominance. My fear must be giving me away.

  My knuckles whiten as I grip my shield in my left hand. I need to stay calm, right? Channel the fire. Somehow, as death approaches me, I need to stay calm and calculated. My chest opens as I inhale a deep breath, but the flow of air is unsteady and chaotic. I begin to circle the Lion, and it circles me. My shield is up and my mace is ready.

  Its head lowers and its tail begins to swish in bursts behind it. It looks for a crack in my defense. I wonder what my father would do right now. It decides it has found an opening and leaps at me. Its left paw, hooked claws outstretched, shoots at me from the side and I duck it before its right paw darts forward. I hold up my shield and block the blow. The force of it pushes me off my balance as I press forward to counter-attack. My feet jump to the side to stay steady as I unleash my strike. The Sol leaps back, avoiding my charged mace.

  I expect it to take a second to collect itself as I do, but instead it pounces right back at me. My shield is not high enough, I’m not well positioned! The Lion tackles me. I slide backwards as I fall. My right hand hits the ground like a whip and my mace tumbles out of my grip. The Sol goes to put its fangs into my throat, its weight nearly upon me. I desperately push myself back and contract my shield arm with flying force. I wedge the horned disk between my chest and the Lion’s jaw. The horn of my shield in its teeth, it snarls at me with bloodthirsty rage. Warm drool spills upon me as I pry open its mouth. I push my shield up with my left arm and my chest, bashing the Sol with the barrier that separates me from my death. It won’t give, it has me on the floor.

  The Lion rakes into my side with its long claws, as I writhe and push on the ground. I feel my skin open in long lines and the scent of iron blood fills the air. But, I feel no pain, only loud desperation as I push back the abyss. I see only scarlet above me. I push up hard with a strength I had never before possessed and hear one of the Lion’s fangs crack. It recoils slightly. Now is my only chance! I shimmy to the right and my hand finds the handle of my weapon. My mace explodes off the ground and into the Lion’s mane.

  It screams and leaps back before I can get another blow to connect. I scurry to my feet, blood pouring out of my sides. The top of my shield is cracked. I look down at my body and the pain hits me in a wave. Deep red gashes line my torso. My breath is caught in my throat and I feel frigid panic burst through my mind.

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  I look at the Sol. It is bleeding too. Red dyes its yellow mane and oozes out of its jaw. It snarls at me with a scarred mouth. This Lion is a vigorous one. The other ones I watched this Communion were not so aggressive. Why? Why did my father choose this one for me?

  The hot fervor of battle momentarily broken, time begins to slow. The trickle of blood on my side crawls down to the ground, chasing the earth. The night air feels so thick. A multi-colored cocktail of acid burns slowly through my mind. Yes, I’ve wounded it. It is weak and bleeding. But so am I.

  I look down at my open form. I’m bleeding, losing life. My blood, my vigor, escapes from my body. My existence is slipping away from my conscious mind. There is death, there it is, I can see it. Black, Cold, and uncaring. I know it, it’s where I’ve been heading. These days, I’ve just been walking towards the inevitable.

  I want to just accept it. But, no, I can’t. That’s not in me! I feel something more, I always have! I’m not like Pait! That’s not who I am! So why am I standing here about to die? Red crashes through the black. My mind is an omni-colored frenzy.

  DAMN IT! How am I supposed to stay calm and coordinated like this? I’m not confident, I’m not in control, how can I be? I’m terrified, I’m confused, that’s what I am, no matter what I should be! Death is paces away from me, staring at me with blood in its mouth. The Lion is a reaper, it is death’s door. Am I expected to just go out and greet it? They say that I’ll be reincarnated, that I won’t truly be erased from this world. But, I don’t remember any of my past lives. Why should it matter, why should I care! My life is here! My father, my future, my love. My dignity, my pride, it’s right here! It won’t follow me into the next life.

  I whip my head to the side, scanning the rows, looking for my father, but I can’t find him. Instead I see the mob of red eyes staring at me from above.

  I feel the stinging pain of my bleeding sides and wince violently. All of my father’s teachings, all of his training has led to nothing! Think Leo! Think about what’s gone so wrong. All I do is defend, defend and counter-attack. I’m not just a reaction to this fucking beast! I have will! I won’t let this thing kill me.

  My vision throbs in and out of focus. He wants me to control the fire, to channel it, and I’ve tried! All this planning, these thoughts that nibble at my brain, all they do is suffocate it. I try and I try and I cripple myself! No more, it’s time to stop trying to control the uncontrollable. What was it that he said? “Fight until the last breath leaves my body.” He won’t allow me to give up. I’ve got nothing left to lose. If death comes for me I should be standing and charging at it, ready to unleash what’s left of my life in my fury! I’ll let what's going to happen happen! Rathanni will have it my way regardless of what I think. There is no more room for ponderous doubt, my body will control itself if I let it free. Without doubt, fear will turn to crimson vigor and furious will.

  The tempo of the drums quicken once again. I feel the violent blows of the hands as they hit the instruments. My arms and fists course with vigor. I feel my heart pump it through me. It crashes through my arteries and bellows my lungs. Its hot heat pushes against my brain.

  The Lion lowers its head and tenses its muscles.

  Enough! Here I am! Everything, my whole life, it’s led to this one moment. All the strands of my life, their chaotic fluttering through space and time, narrow down to cross this one point. Either I will cross this threshold, or I will die. I want to fight, so I will fight!

  I feel lifted up, my weight buoyed by the force of my purpose, My body inexorably pushes myself towards the Lion. As my focus narrows upon it, the pain at my sides recedes. The drums pound inside my head.

  My pace quickens as I push towards the Lion. I charge it. I swing at the Lion’s head in fury and miss, but my body demands I make it feel some sort of impact, so I slam my chipped bone shield into the Lion’s side. It opens its wretched mouth to bite me, so I shove my mace in it. Its roars are muffled by my weapon as I pound at its side with my shield. It scratches at my already bleeding sides, but I don’t feel them anymore. They are numb. I feel the impact of the drums flow into me, and I don’t let up. I continue to pummel it with my shield, matching my strikes with the drum’s frantic tempo. The sound of its skin opening meets my ears, then I hear the sound of its ribs cracking. I stare into the Sol’s wrathful red eyes and push my mace further into its mouth. Its jaws try to close on hard bone. Its paw swipes at my side begin to slow. It’s getting tired. I show it that I am not.

  The Sol breaks its eye contact and backs away from me into the side of the pit. My shattered shield remains stuck in its side. The Lion is broken, mortally wounded. As I look upon its cowering face, my anger finds disgust. This is the thing that I have let control my life? This pathetic, wretched thing! I imagine how close this wounded beast was to mauling me, to humiliating me in front of my father and Rathanni. I remember the Umbra that mauled Sier, the Sol that just mauled Pait. Those Lions devoured their bodies. But, there it is! Hanging onto a life I will relieve it of!

  I feel strong, confident as a man that has just broken death’s ribs. The doubt that remains in my mind is beaten to the ground. I am above this death! Rathanni knows it, my father knows it, and I know it! The manifestation of my dread cannot stand against the strength of my will. This is a battle of wills, and mine is ten times stronger! I have more to live for than this brainless savage does. I have this feeling for a reason, Rathanni grants it to me. This anger is strength! Should I not allow myself to do as I will? It is right, divinity distilled! Doubt is cruel and evil. It will kill me. Rathanni has a plan for me. I can’t die here, I won’t. As the meteor shattered Granger’s primordial lake with unstoppable force, I will shatter this Lion.

  My blood feels as if it steams inside my body, forcing my movement and charging my arms and legs. I reinforce my mace with my shieldless hand. I run at the Lion. As my unyielding mace nears the Lion’s long, depraved face, I see its blood red eyes glaze over. It’s too tired to even try to dodge it. Where has that arrogance gone now you savage? Do you see now your place! My mace meets its skull, breaking it in. Do you see how you fail in the face of my will? You think you will kill me! Your brain is on the fucking floor! My vigor remains steaming, so I continue my assault. I strike its chest, its side, its legs, its arms. I’ve done this before many times. Its body breaks like a chopped tree in every place that I strike it. Its muscles loosen, and sinew covers the head of my mace. Its body is my drum. Look at your form now! The long handle of my mace shatters, but I don’t stop. I kick and punch its twitching body. I start tearing into its chest, the smell of its organs driving me forward. And then I feel its heart. It is victory, a pass through to the rest of my life. Every bite tells me to push it further into my mouth. Its heart leaks warm vigor down my throat as I bite into it. It gives me bursts of healing energy, then calm… calm.

  My head stops pounding as my sides begin to steam. The stinging comes back to me, no longer numbed by my fervor. But then, I feel the wet vapor cover my wounds, pushing the pain out of me and dumping it into the atmosphere.

  I stagger up to my feet, away from the destroyed carcass that used to be a Lion. I look up at the red night sky in triumph to see fireworks light it up. The drums subside.

  I look up at the audience around me, looking for my father. My vision is crystal clear, focused and straight. I see him. I walk towards him. As I get closer I begin to make out the expression on his face. He smiles at me broadly, but in his eyes I see something else. Shock and horror.

  I look at him and he looks at me. I do live. I’m alive.

  His face is the last thing I see before a swift darkness overtakes my vision and I lose control of my body. Warm… tranquil, inky… peace. Triumph.

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