Look, I’ll be honest—I’ve never played a video game without cheating. Not once. I’m the guy who memorized Game Genie codes instead of math formulas, who got banned from every MMO for duping items, who made the forums explode by finding that one pixel in Dark Souls that lets you clip through half the map. The way I see it, if the developers didn’t want me to find exploits, they shouldn’t have left them in the code.

  So there I was, minding my own business, hunting for new exploits, and halfway through a bag of stale Doritos, when the world ended—not with a bang, not with a whimper, but with a freaking pop-up notification.

  “What the hell?” I muttered, staring at the glowing blue box floating in front of my face. It wasn’t on my phone or my laptop. It was just there, hovering in midair like some kind of augmented reality prank. The text was crisp, bold, and impossible to ignore:

  ?? SYSTEM ANNOUNCEMENT ??

  Welcome to DUNGEON REALMS!

  Congratulations, human! You’ve been randomly selected (yes, we’re serious) to play the greatest, most absurdly dangerous game ever created. Don’t worry—there’s a generous prize! If you survive.

  The rules are simple: survive, level up, and take out anything that looks at you funny. Expect shiny rewards, sketchy teammates, and answers to questions you didn’t ask. Oh, and loot. Lots of loot.

  ? INITIALIZATION COMMENCING...

  Your journey begins in 10... 9... 8...

  I blinked. “Is this some kind of joke?”

  The countdown continued. 7… 6… 5…

  I threw the bag of Doritos onto the couch and stood up, my heart pounding. The notification didn’t go away. If anything, it got brighter. I waved my hand through it, but my fingers passed through the text like it was made of smoke. My apartment looked the same—same ugly beige walls, same pile of laundry in the corner, same faint smell of burnt popcorn. But something was off.

  4… 3… 2…

  “Okay, seriously, what the—”

  1…

  The world dissolved.

  One second I was standing in my apartment, and the next I was falling. Not like tripping-over-your-own-feet falling, but full-on plummeting-through-the-void falling. My stomach lurched, and I flailed my arms like an idiot, trying to grab onto something that wasn’t there. The air rushed past me, cold and sharp, and I squeezed my eyes shut, waiting for the inevitable splat.

  It never came.

  I landed on my feet. Hard. My knees buckled, and I stumbled forward, catching myself on what felt like a stone wall. The air smelled damp, like wet concrete and mildew. I opened my eyes and immediately wished I hadn’t.

  I was in a dungeon. An actual, honest-to-god dungeon. The walls were rough-hewn stone, slick with moisture, and the only light came from flickering torches mounted in iron sconces. The corridor stretched ahead of me, disappearing into shadows. Behind me, it ended in a solid wall. No doors, no windows, no way out.

  “What. The. Hell.”

  Another notification popped up, this one smaller and less flashy:

  New Quest: Orientation

  Objective: Explore your immediate surroundings and gather information. Try not to die.

  “Try not to die?” I said out loud. “That’s your idea of a helpful tip?” I looked around at the torchlit corridor. "Any other brilliant advice? Don't lick the walls? Don't high-five the monsters?"

  No one answered. The dungeon was silent except for the faint crackle of the torches and the occasional drip of water. I took a deep breath and tried to calm down. Panicking wasn’t going to help. I needed to think.

  First things first: inventory. I patted myself down. I was still wearing my sweatpants and an old T-shirt that said “I Paused My Game to Be Here.” My phone was gone, along with my wallet and keys. All I had was the clothes on my back and…

  I reached into my pocket and pulled out a single Dorito. It was broken into three pieces, but it was still a Dorito. I stared at it for a moment, then shrugged and ate it. If I was going to die in a dungeon, I might as well die with nacho cheese on my breath.

  Another notification appeared:

  ?? ITEM ACQUIRED!

  Broken Dorito

  Type: Consumable

  Rarity: Common

  Effect: Restores 1 HP

  "A sad, broken chip. It's better than nothing."

  Added to inventory

  “Oh, fantastic,” I muttered. “Who needs potions?”

  I started walking down the corridor, my sneakers squelching in the damp. The air grew colder the further I went, and the shadows seemed to press in around me. I kept my eyes on the ground, scanning for traps or monsters or anything else that might try to kill me. So far, so good.

  After about fifty feet, the corridor opened up into a small chamber. The walls were lined with rusty iron doors, each one marked with a different symbol. In the center of the room was a pedestal with a glowing red button on top. A notification popped up:

  New Quest: Choose Your Path

  Objective: Select a door and proceed. Choose wisely.

  “Choose wisely,” I repeated. “Very helpful. Let me just consult my extensive dungeon survival handbook.”

  I approached the pedestal and studied the button. It was about the size of a hockey puck, and it pulsed faintly, like a heartbeat. I glanced at the doors. Each symbol looked like it had been carved by someone with a shaky hand and a bad sense of direction. One looked like a stick figure with a sword, another like a squiggly line, and the third like a… was that a chicken?

  This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.

  “Okay,” I said. “Sword guy, squiggle, or chicken. Decisions, decisions.”

  I reached out and pressed the button. The moment my finger touched it, the symbols on the doors lit up, and a voice boomed through the chamber:

  “CHOOSE YOUR PATH, MORTAL!”

  "Jesus!" I jumped, nearly falling over. "What is this, medieval surround sound?"

  The voice ignored me. “THE DOOR OF STRENGTH AWAITS THE BRAVE. THE DOOR OF MYSTERY BECKONS THE CURIOUS. THE DOOR OF… CHICKEN… IS ALSO AN OPTION.”

  I stared at the chicken door. “What the hell is behind Door Number Chicken?”

  The voice didn’t answer. I sighed and rubbed my temples. This was insane. Absolutely, completely insane. But if I was stuck here, I might as well play along.

  I walked over to the chicken door and pushed it open. The hinges squealed like they hadn’t been oiled in a century. Beyond the door was another corridor, this one narrower and darker than the first. The air smelled faintly of feathers and… was that barbecue sauce?

  “This is either the best idea I’ve ever had,” I muttered, “or the worst.”

  I stepped through the door, and it slammed shut behind me. The sound echoed down the corridor, and I froze, waiting for something to jump out at me. Nothing did. I let out a breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding and started walking.

  After about twenty feet, the corridor opened up into another chamber. This one was smaller than the last, and the walls were covered in… feathers. Thousands of them, all different colors and sizes, stuck to the stone like some kind of deranged art project. In the center of the room was a pedestal with a golden egg on top.

  “Of course,” I said. “A golden egg. Because why not?”

  I approached the pedestal cautiously, half-expecting the egg to hatch into some kind of monster. When nothing happened, I reached out and picked it up. It was warm to the touch, and heavier than I expected. A notification appeared:

  Item Acquired: Golden Egg

  Type: Quest Item

  Effect: Unknown

  Description: It’s shiny. Don’t drop it.

  “Don’t drop it,” I repeated. “Got it.”

  As soon as I picked up the egg, the feathers on the walls started to rustle. At first, it was just a faint sound, like wind through leaves, but it quickly grew louder. I spun around, clutching the egg to my chest, just as the feathers began to peel away from the walls.

  “Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me,” I said.

  The feathers swirled together, forming a shape. A big shape. A very big, very angry shape. Within seconds, I was staring at a giant chicken. It was at least eight feet tall, with beady red eyes and talons the size of butcher knives. Its feathers were a patchwork of colors, and it let out a deafening squawk that made my ears ring.

  The entire chamber trembled as a massive notification burst into existence:

  ?? BOSS FIGHT! ??

  THE COLOSSAL CHICKEN

  Terror of the Feathered Depths

  Level: 3

  Type: Avian Colossus

  Threat Level: Moderate

  "They said you couldn't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs."

  ?? PREPARE FOR COMBAT ??

  The chicken lunged at me, talons outstretched like a set of rusty steak knives. I dove to the side, my shoulder slamming into the damp stone floor. The talons scraped against the wall, sending a shower of sparks and feathers into the air. I scrambled to my feet, clutching the golden egg like it was the last life preserver on the Titanic.

  “Okay, Dan,” I muttered under my breath. “Think. You’ve got an egg and a room full of feathers. What would MacGyver do?”

  The chicken squawked, its beady red eyes locking onto me. It flapped its massive wings, sending a gust of wind that nearly knocked me off my feet. Feathers swirled around the room like a deranged snowstorm. I backed up, my sneakers slipping on the slick stone floor.

  “Alright, big guy,” I said, holding up the egg like a shield. “Let’s not do anything hasty.”

  The chicken didn’t seem interested in negotiation. It charged again, its talons slashing through the air. I ducked, feeling the rush of wind as the talons missed my head by inches. I rolled to the side, coming up behind the pedestal. The chicken skidded to a stop, its claws screeching against the stone.

  “Think, think, think,” I said, backing away as the chicken advanced. My heart was pounding, and my shoulder throbbed where it had hit the floor. This wasn’t going well. The chicken was faster than it looked, and I was running out of room to dodge.

  The massive bird charged again, its talons missing my face by inches. I stumbled backward, nearly losing my grip on the egg. My back hit the wall, and panic started to set in. Nothing in my years of gaming had prepared me for an actual eight-foot chicken trying to turn me into human nuggets.

  As I struggled to stay upright, my sneakers slipped on the damp stone floor. I watched the chicken plant its feet before turning, its massive body shifting awkwardly to track me. Hmmmm, I thought. Oversized bosses all have the same weakness: their own size. I let my shoes slip again, this time on purpose, testing the slickness of the floor.

  “Okay, big guy,” I said, edging toward the pedestal. “Let’s dance.”

  The chicken charged again, but this time I was counting on it. Instead of diving away, I waited until the last second and sidestepped, letting its momentum carry it forward. Its talons scrabbled for purchase on the wet stone. The massive bird wobbled, off balance, and I seized my chance. I grabbed a handful of feathers from the wall and threw them in its face.

  The chicken reeled back, shaking its head violently. I didn’t wait for it to recover. I darted around behind the pedestal, grabbing more feathers as I moved. The chicken’s head snapped back and forth, trying to track me while still half-blinded.

  “Not so tough when you can’t see straight, huh?” I called out, circling the room. Each time it charged, I led it into a longer slide, its own weight working against it. The massive bird was getting frustrated, its movements becoming more erratic, more desperate.

  I kept moving, kept throwing feathers, using the pedestal as cover. The chicken’s charges became wilder, more uncontrolled. Each time it tried to plant its feet for another attack, it slipped a little more on the feather-strewn floor.

  “That’s it,” I said, watching it struggle to stay upright. “Keep dancing.”

  The chicken lunged one final time, but I was ready. As it tried to plant its talons for the charge, they slipped out from under it. The giant bird squawked in surprise, wings flailing as it lost its balance completely.

  This was my shot. As the chicken stumbled, I gripped the golden egg tight and ran straight at it. The bird’s eyes widened—clearly, it hadn’t expected its prey to charge back. At the last second, I slid between its legs like a baseball player stealing home, letting the slick floor carry me through. The chicken tried to turn, but its feet went out from under it. It crashed to the ground with an earth-shaking thud.

  “You’ve been eggsecuted!” I roared, pushing off the ground and hurling the egg at the fallen bird’s back.

  The egg hit with a satisfying thunk, and for a moment, nothing happened. Then it exploded in a burst of golden light that filled the chamber. The blast knocked me backward, but I was ready for it this time, rolling with the impact. When the light faded, all that remained of the massive chicken was a pile of feathers and a glowing loot box.

  The air shimmered with golden particles as the victory notification appeared:

  ?? BOSS DEFEATED! ??

  THE COLOSSAL CHICKEN has been vanquished!

  REWARDS:

  - Experience Points: +200 XP

  - Loot Box (Rare) x1

  - Title Earned: "Chicken Chaser"

  "Sometimes, the biggest challenges come in the most unexpected packages..."

  Achievement Unlocked: First Blood

  "Everyone starts somewhere..."

  I lay on the ground for a moment, catching my breath. My heart was still pounding, and my hands were shaking, but I couldn’t help but grin. I’d done it. I’d beaten the chicken.

  “Not bad for a guy in sweatpants,” I said, pushing myself to my feet. I walked over to the loot box and picked it up, holding it like a trophy. “Now let’s see what you’ve got.”