Doo dee doo dee doo, we’re walking down the road.

  Also, there’s a road. We’ve crossed a few to get this far, but they never stretched in the direction we were going. This one does though. So we decided to follow it for a change of pace. The most confusing part is that we’re nearly at the dungeon now.

  Could it really lead straight there? A road to a dungeon? I thought the whole thing with dungeons was that they don’t form in high-traffic places. Maybe the road is just old and unused? But it’s pristine… And who’s to say the System hasn’t been automatically maintaining it for decades? Or centuries? Millenia? Forever? Is there some pristine, well-maintained garden somewhere that no one’s ever even seen?

  Nothing better to do, I fantasize about it while breathing a little faster than normal to speed things along. But something like that exists, it wouldn’t be here. We’re not nearly that far out in the boonies.

  Which reminds me. “Clean.”

  [ UNCOMMON TOGGLE ON: CLEANLINESS — INTENSITY: 4% ]

  At the beginning of my next step, I’m watching some mud I forgot about gradually disappear from my sleeve. Like someone rewound the formation of a puddle.

  Midway through that same step, something pulls me forward in a jerk. I’d readily assume one of my companions is, in fact, that very jerk, if not for me holding my breath the instant it happens. I can just barely make out from my periphery that none of them are anywhere near me. Nor do they have a Skill between them to produce this effect from where they are.

  I would know, as I also take my sweet time in this extended moment to double-check through the Closed Group Interface. Maybe Mich could’ve done something like that… But I feel like that would’ve involved an arrow.

  So, rather than blaming especially Ross or either of the others, my reaction to stumbling forward is far more general. “Fuck!”

  Sensing danger, Mich immediately wedges himself between and just in front of Ross and Rachel. As though glitching into T-Pose, he whips his arms out to either side, barring their way to where I just tripped.

  But those two seem far more concerned over Mich interrupting their private conversation that he was politely ignoring and I tuned out hours ago.

  For his part, the human barricade ignores the scandalized looks from Ross and Rachel, instead looking in alarm at what probably looked to him like me being attacked. “What happened?”

  As much as I appreciate his worry, I can’t help the laugh that escapes my gut. “Woah there, buddy… Jumpy much?”

  Face paled and expression vacant, Mich seems to come back to himself with a look of embarrassment towards me and apology towards the other two. “Sorry… Force of habit.”

  Rachel is just as visibly confused as the rest of us regarding what about Mich’s little maneuver could’ve possibly been a ‘habit’. But she at least seems mollified by his admission of the slip-up. So, with a tisk, she pushes his arm off her chest and turns a concerned gaze towards me. “What’s the matter, girl?”

  I’m just glaring at the transparent red barrier separating me from the others. It looks like it could stretch forever in either direction if not for the fact that it fades into invisibility as it stretches away from wherever I happen to be standing.

  I look to the barrier. Then past that to my three friend-equivalents. To the barrier again. Back to them.

  At a loss from their vacant expressions, I point right at the massive half-opacity red wall separating us. “Y’all don’t see that?”

  They all do some variation of looking at me, each other, and shaking their heads.

  Rachel trepidatiously moves her own finger forward.

  Everyone watches with bated breath as it gets inexorably closer to the barrier. Closer. Closer still. Then her finger passes right through like it’s not even there, continuing until she touches the very finger I’m indignantly pointing at the thing.

  With the minor force required for Rachel to get the hint, I push Rachel’s arm, then hand, then that same finger back through the barrier. But my own finger is stopped in its tracks the instant I touch it myself.

  [ ERROR: LEVEL REQUIREMENT NOT MET ]

  After subjectively much longer than an instant, my eyes begin to widen.

  Ross pipes in over the protracted silence. “Sooo-”

  I immediately interrupt him. “THOSE FUCKING SCAMMERS!!!”

  Rachel just looks confused. “Can… Can I put my finger down? Also, what’s happening?”

  I shake myself out of contemplating the various torturous deaths I’d like to give to a particularly deserving weapon store owner. “Is Outset level-restricted?”

  All three reply at once.

  “What?”

  “What?”

  “Yes.”

  Mich throws a long-suffering look right back at all our gazes. “This is common knowledge, people. Being social isn’t actually against the rules in Heaven. Doesn’t draw Admin attention or anything. You know that, right? You could have all the information I do-”

  As he talks, my growl finally reaches a breaking point. “Yeah, fine. I get it. We all get it. Not everyone likes talking to random strangers. Now shut the fuck up and start talking.”

  Mich looks like he’s about to start talking, but quickly folds his lips into a Cheshire grin.

  I look at the shit-eating expression for a moment before deciding that no answer, no matter how illuminating, is in any way worth the headache this is already giving me. “Whatever, fuck it.”

  At that, I turn on my heel and silently stomp down the road like nothing ever happened.

  After a moment, the others follow behind, each passing through the barrier like it isn’t even there. Which, to them, it might as well not be.

  Mich calls after me as we walk, smile still evident from his equally-shit-eating tone of voice. “What’s the matter?”

  I don’t turn around. I don’t alter my gait. I just take twice as long to walk exactly as fast in precisely the way I was doing before. “Nothing.”

  “Don’t you want to know about the level requirements for Outset?”

  “Nope.”

  “But you seemed so interested a minute ago. Why-”

  “Fuck you, that’s why.”

  Rachel turns to Mich. “Well, I’d still like to know about the level-”

  I call back over my shoulder. “Don’t you fucking dare!”

  Eventually, Rachel gets back to her conversation with Ross, and our half-silent party finally makes it to the first dungeon I’ve been up for since the whole Mod Stone Debacle.

  Rachel breaks off from Ross to put an arm around my shoulder. “Y’all ready for this?”

  I just grin up at her and try to breathe. I know the instant the adrenaline hits. Because it’s the same instant I use all my superhuman leg strength along with every last modicum of a boost I can get by breathing as slowly as possible, to LAUNCH myself into the cave like a rocket.

  As soon as I reach the turn at the end, I slow time and gradually rotate my body to face down the new hallway before whispering. “Go.”

  [ POWER BLESSING: DASH — INTENSITY: 1% ]

  Rocketing through five more turns like that, the narrow hallway opens up into a sprawling canyon. Down below is a massive lakebed of spikes, all resting below a fake blue sky. Despite the impossibly authentic look to it, the facade is given away by a total lack of resemblance to the far paler, cloudier sky I’ve been walking under all day.

  Underneath whatever’s making that happen, is a spider-webbing maze of narrow bridges separating proportionally narrow, flat spires. The admittedly simple maze of bridges and spires all eventually comes back together in a wide arena on the other side of the canyon. It’s hard to make out any specifics beyond that, but my money’s on that being where the boss is.

  Still holding my breath from the moment I entered the ‘room’, I lose no momentum whatsoever as I step onto the leftmost bridge. And Admin, schmadmin, If I’ve ever felt more like Sonic than right now as I finally take full advantage of all the Defense I’ve ever neglected in order to pump my Speed STAT as high as it can go.

  Quickly reaching my max velocity without boosting, I lick my lips. “Go, go, GO, GO, GO!!!”

  [ POWER BLESSING: DASH — INTENSITY: 69% ]

  [ POWER BLESSING: DASH — INTENSITY: 42% ]

  [ POWER BLESSING: DASH — INTENSITY: 90% ]

  [ POWER BLESSING: DASH — INTENSITY: 100% ]

  [ POWER BLESSING: DASH — INTENSITY: 110% ]

  Dashing down the sloping bridge, I go even faster up the other side.

  A running leap off the bridge leads me right onto the… Next bridge.

  Fuck. I completely missed the spire’s platform and single resident enemy that spawned the moment my body entered the space above where it now stands. Or in other words, free XP. Nothing for it now though. This is way too much fun to go back now that I’m already on the next bridge over.

  Opting to cut my losses rather than slow down, stop, backtrack, and feel like even more of a jackass than I already do, I just giggle from the pure joy of running at full speed down the other side of the bridge. That, it turns out, is a mistake.

  As soon as I start laughing, something weird happens. I don’t build enough speed to jump over the next spire. Not even close.

  Instead, I stumble all over myself. It feels like I’m falling asleep every half-second. I can only catch myself and not fall off the side thanks to my always-on-forever Radial Awareness. It doesn’t take too many rapidfire instances of narcolepsy for my giggling to stop.

  But then I just stand here, right at the bottom of the long, sloping bridge. “Well that just fucking sucks…” Can I not even laugh anymore?

  At least not while I’m fighting, for sure. “…Fuck…”

  Doubt over recent life decisions gradually leads me into what can only generously be called a ‘plodding trudge’.

  Thus, in no danger of overshooting anything, I crest the lip of the next spire to glare in disappointed scorn at the thing standing on top. A big, round, musclebound cyclops with tentacles coming out of its stomach. Except instead of a stomach, there’s just a gaping black void with a single, shining orange eye that somehow doesn’t brighten the thing despite looking for all the world like a demonic furnace.

  [ MONSTER TARGETED: CYCLON ]

  Eyeing me right back, the however-that’s-pronounced flashes from bewilderment to rage as its upper and lower eye blaze with the same roiling, orange light. They only grow brighter as it screams and pulls a black, purple-pulsing spiked club out of its stomach.

  A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

  The cyclon just stands there like that, neck almost cocked, before stampeding straight for me in a burst of speed.

  Careful not to laugh again, I crack a smile as I take my sweet subjective time to hold my sheathed katana in front of me. I can admit I’m being needlessly meticulous with how much care I’m taking to orient it exactly perpendicular to the incoming overhead smash.

  Careful… Say it riiight… Abooout… “Draw.”

  [ COMMON ACTION: IAI QUICKDRAW — INTENSITY: 12% ]

  “Counter.”

  [ UNCOMMON ACTION: COUNTER SHEATHE — INTENSITY: 21% ]

  “Grow.”

  [ RARE TOGGLE ON: EXTEND-O-SWORD — INTENSITY: 9% ]

  Maneuvering carefully into the attack, my breath catches when I realize my blade is extending way faster than I’m ready for. I panic for part of an objective instant before I belatedly, finally, with all the time in the world to spare, think of something.

  With my sword unsheathing over my head like a bomb about to go off, I brace my legs. “Go!”

  [ POWER BLESSING: DASH — INTENSITY: 57% ]

  But the Cthuclops seems to see what I’m doing and waits for me to finish unsheathing to no result whatsoever. Then, it caves in my skull with its Kaido-ass club.

  [ HP: 313/512 ]

  [ COUNTER SHEATHE: CANCELED ]

  [ IAI QUICKDRAW: CANCELED ]

  Ok, now I’m pissed. Also concussed. Could I really not even land the first strike? Gonna need more practice with that…

  But first, I don’t resheathe my massive katana. Instead, I just go to fucking town on the big, fat jerk.

  With a sword over twice as long as I am tall, I make sure to thoroughly test all my new capabilities. For science. Not even a little to take out the frustration from getting ripped off last month. Which is why it’s out of a purely scientific desire to administer the monster with a taste of its own medicine that I let go of all control and exhale into a long, hard, fast, downward strike of my own.

  It does nothing. Doesn’t even register as an attack.

  If time wasn’t frozen, I would probably blush when I realize what that must’ve looked like. To the outside world, I just dramatically, gently, placed my katana’s edge atop the monster’s uppermost eye. Gradually. Over the course of several seconds. It didn’t even pierce the eye.

  After an extended moment to mentally slap myself around a bit, I instantly adapt to how badly I just whiffed that by shrinking my katana, resheathing, unsheathing, and growing it again. At the same time, I jump to the side, circling about a quarter of the way around the monster, even as I swing my newly unsheathing sword horizontally in the opposite direction.

  Slowing my breath to a trickle, I use every last degree of the spin to build more and more centrifugal force. So much so that even I’m surprised by the time my massive blade comes around to smash the monster in the face.

  It goes rolling. My inertia is helped along by the general roundness of its body. But not enough.

  Gritting my teeth, I jump in the same direction I just rolled it. “Go.”

  My dash accelerates me even faster as I take my slowed time to carefully rotate the blade’s edge into the path of another swing. The moment path and blade align, I can almost feel it slide along the arc of its own volition. The sudden change would normally throw me off and send me sprawling. But with all the time in the world to adjust myself, it only boosts my speed further as I slice cleanly through the thing with plenty of angular momentum to spare.

  Okay, that’s… New. I apparently never got good enough with a katana to figure this out naturally. But the difference between a 99% perfect swing and a 100% one is almost as big as the difference between 99 and 0.

  Immediately thinking it through over the course of several minutes, I get an idea. “Shrink!”

  [ RARE TOGGLE OFF : EXTEND-O-SWORD ]

  When my katana returns to normal, my rotation speed more than doubles. That alone nearly sends me helicoptering off the cliff edge, slowed time or no. But it doesn’t. And I just barely maintain my balance as I spin around, and around, and keep my blade tilted ever-so-slightly downwards until… “GROW!!!”

  [ RARE TOGGLE ON: EXTEND-O-SWORD — INTENSITY: 102% ]

  Right before the normal-sized sword fails to reach the monster, it triples in length just in time to slice the thing fully in half.

  “Shrink.”

  Around. “Grow!”

  I slice the top half in half. “Shrink.”

  Around. “Grow!”

  Then the top quarter. “Shrink.”

  Still spinning, I resheathe.

  The three gaps between the four monster segments and the uneven line diagonally connecting them, all explode with red light. At the same time, a golden ‘72’ appears above the uppermost eighth of the Tentaclops. The flash of gold is a stark relief against the larger red numbers that haven’t quite finished rising from the same spot.

  Everything catches up to me all at once as I lose my breath, balance, and equilibrium. A smile spreads across my face, only growing as my spin slides to a stop alarmingly near to the spire’s sheer edge.

  Laying there, one arm flopped over the side, I throw my other fist upwards in victory. I think being stubborn about that mod was worth the risk. I’m not used to it at all. Not even after a whole week of practice. But yeah… I can work with this.

  Sooner or later, I’m jostled to my senses by the far-off sound of fighting.

  It only takes a bit of looking around for a blearily paused moment to spot the others one spire over, all ganging up on an identical Hent-eye to the one I just killed. Looks like it’s going… Not great. Hm…

  I consider the frozen half-panicked look on each of their faces before instantly resolving to dash across the bridge separating the two spires.

  Running down and then up the other side, my anticipation grows as I work to minimize the number of breaths it takes to traverse the bridge. I know I’m going far faster than when I jumped that first spire. I could practically fly over this one. But that wouldn’t accomplish anything beyond my own vanity.

  So instead of taking a running leap into a lakebed of spikes, I wait until my second step over the spire’s crest before using what had been a slightly upwards inertia, to leap fully forward. “Go!”

  [ POWER BLESSING: DASH — INTENSITY: 87% ]

  Crashing feet-first into the one-eyed hentroll, all my momentum transfers as I take all the time I need to both cleanly and messily stomp its lower eye like a sideways puddle of tar to zero out my own velocity. “Burst!”

  [ COMMON ACTION : AURA BURST — INTENSITY = 65% ]

  With a midair flourish, I land on my feet, standing upright like I’m in line at the bank. From there, I just watch the big jerk who was giving my ‘friends’ so much trouble as he’s fully launched straight off the spire and into the spikes below.

  Still readying himself for his next attack on the big eldritch monster, Ross shoots me a scandalized stare after I suddenly replaced his target to stand right where it just was.

  They’re all looking at me kinda like that, actually. Even Mich over there, looking like the long-suffering parent of an unruly child.

  Unwilling to give any of them the chance to bitch at me for stealing their kill, I throw them all a peace sign and issue a single-word apology. “Back.”

  [ UNCOMMON ACTION : SPACIAL ANCHOR - WEAPON ]

  And just like that, I’m back on the spire where I left my sword.

  I salute the rest of the group from across the long bridge separating us once more. Then I turn on my heel and dash down the next bridge in the chain of spires running parallel to theirs.

  Going even faster than last time, I plow into another one of these big two-eyed bitches feet-first. “BURST!!!”

  [ COMMON ACTION: AURA BURST — INTENSITY: 114% ]

  I fail to suppress another staggered giggle while I watch in bits and pieces as it careens off the edge without ever even seeing what pushed it.

  My laugh lasts exactly until another massive club practically caves in the back of my skull.

  [ HP: 258/512 ]

  “FUCK!!!”

  From watching Cyclon A’s impending doom, I come to myself in an objective instant as I jump away from and finally register the existence of Cyclon B. I never thought to check for a second one on the same spire. Not making that mistake again. Probably. Today.

  In the same objective instant as my admittedly flaccid self-admonishment, I have a realization. Which falls flat since I can’t go changing my equipment around in the middle of a fight. So I spend the rest of my paused time thinking of something else.

  As soon as my jump lands, I focus on positioning my katana and slowly suck air through my teeth. An objective second after getting smacked, I jump forward to return the favor. “Draw! Grow! Go! Shrink! Grow! Shrink! Grow! Shrink!”

  The four horizontal slices I cut the thing into are just a little cleaner than last time. I don’t even fall over afterwards. Progress!

  Speaking of which, a few spires and half a dozen hent-eyes later, I land in the same arena I saw from all the way across the spire-filled canyon. But now I’m on the other side. And I’m sure of it this time…

  There’s only a single enemy here. What looks like a man in a purple cloak, standing in the center of the platform, facing ever away from the spires leading to it.

  [ BOSS MONSTER TARGETED: SARUCLOPS ]

  I’m not really one for stealth. I just don’t like it. Stresses me out. But I’m also not one to throw away the element of surprise against a dungeon boss.

  That’s why I breathe as slowly as my newfound level of Control will let me. While I do, I make sure the robed figure stays turned away and unaware of my presence.

  Spotting its hand moving up and to the side, I freeze. First in time, then in space once I realize how pointless it is to wait in frozen time for anything, let alone whatever this lich guy is doing.

  Like molasses, what is now obviously a corpse raises its arm at an angle as the purple fabric of its hood slides back to reveal the skeleton underneath. Then it stops moving entirely, seeming to lose all interest in the rest of the world in favor of examining the back of its hand.

  Curiously, I look down at the grip it has on my neck. Wait. When did that happen? “What-”

  The large skeleton that was just standing at least 30 feet away, interrupts the first word out of my mouth by screaming in my face.

  But… The fuck? Did I teleport over to it? Did it teleport over to me? Something in-between?

  I crane my neck to look it straight in the kaleidoscopic reddish orange of its black-slitted eye. “How-”

  It screams again. Louder this time. The banshee-like shriek feels like a bull in the china-shop of my skull. Which already isn’t doing great from being nearly caved in twice in the last half hour.

  My ears are ringing so hard I can barely even hear what it says next. Which is yet another scream. Then, its jawbone turns upwards into a creepy facsimile of a smile as my head swims.

  Which is when I remember that I can pause time.

  Once more holding my breath, I try to think of a way out of this. But it quickly leads nowhere thanks to my nonexistent ability to counter grappling. I can only do anything about strikes. If an enemy’s already touching me, there’s no intercepting the point of contact.

  Nor do I have room to swing my big black katana in the first place. Not even the shrunken version. Nor, I’m sure, would the dungeon boss let me if I could. Can’t return to my sword either… Not when I’m holding it. Nothing for it, then.

  I take a biiig breath, counting on it appearing to the outside world like any other.

  I can’t fully suppress a vindictive smile as I make my move. “BURST!!!”

  [ COMMON ACTION: AURA BURST — INTENSITY: 120% ]

  The skeletal cyclops twitches a finger on its other hand. At that moment, it freezes. So does the world.

  Where I expected a shockwave repelling anything and everything away from my center mass, I get a bubble of pressure in my stomach.

  It’s… Just sitting there. Like I can feel it wanting to expand out. But it doesn’t.

  Instead, there’s a different bubble expanded about to where I would expect the shockwave to cover if it were allowed to get that far.

  Everything looks kinda like the screenshots I’ve seen of what negatives looked like back when people used analog photography. I think it’s safe to assume the bubble is what’s doing that. But what is it?

  The sphere engulfs me entirely, but only stretches a foot or so away. It ends just about where a bicep would be if the skeletal arm strangling me had any muscles to speak of. But that’s not important right now.

  Focusing on what is, I work my lungs as hard as I can. Or at least, I try.

  But there’s no movement. Not from me. Not from the skeleton. Not from the world or anything in it.

  I know why the bubble of pressure isn’t leaving my center now. It, and everything else, is exactly as it was the moment my Skill activated. In fact, that moment is still going.

  I… Can’t breathe, can I? Oh god, I can’t breathe. Is this a vacuum? I never considered what would happen… How do I get out of this? If I can’t breathe… I can’t move, can I? Like, at all. I really wish I would’ve thought of that.

  I try to activate a Skill. But nothing happens.

  Mentally slapping myself in the metaphorical forehead, a bit of panic dissipates as I realize all my Toggles are still set to ‘ON’.

  Experimentally, I try to turn one off manually through system menus. That’s at least one way to circumvent the need for callouts.

  But all my panic surges back with a vengeance as I realize I can’t turn it off in paused time. I can’t do anything. Including unpause time.

  Oh fuck… Ohfuckohfuckohfuck-

  [ HP: 296/512 ]

  Oh wait.

  [ HP: 295/512 ]

  I’m losing health…

  [ HP: 294/512 ]

  I’ve gone too long without breathing.

  [ HP: 293/512 ]

  Even if my time is subjective, I’m still subject to System mechanics.

  [ HP: 292/512 ]

  I really can’t hold my breath forever.

  [ HP: 291/512 ]

  THANK FUCKING GOD.

  It’s with a light heart of someone just barely spared an infinite hell in an eternity between moments, that I watch my life trickle away.

  When death comes, as it must for us all, I embrace it like an old friend.

  [ YOU DIED — XP DEBT: 4,096 — RESPAWN DELAY: 8 HOURS ]