Tim disengaged from his computer and sighed. His newest favorite webnovel about big booba college girls hadn't had a new chapter in days! And like any proper addict, Tim was generally pissed and restless when there wasn't a new chapter available within minutes of him reaching the end of something he liked. He even left a helpful review for the author, so he'd be encouraged to write even more!

  Tim didn't 'get' people, sometimes.

  He was interrupted from his thoughts, by his closet door opening to reveal... a big booba college girl!

  "Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit's Tim and big sis time!" the booba monster shouted with glee.

  Tim, for his part, was shitting his pants. It'd been years since he'd last seen this thing.

  "No... you're not real! Mom says you're a puberty-induced hallucination!"

  "Ha! 'Not real' he says! Feel these, do those feel fake to you?" For his part, Tim was too much of a virgin to be able to register much of any of the signals his body was trying to relay to his brain by this point. He probably peed himself, a failing as a human being he shared with his best friend who he hadn't seen hanging around lately. "Has it ever occurred to you that maybe it's your mom that's the puberty-induced hallucination?"

  Tim gulped when the words finally registered to his brain. That... that would be so much worse! In so many more ways!

  Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

  "Tim, she'll never let us be together. You'll have to get rid of her. It's the only way." She handed him a knife.

  Tim was sweating badly as this point. What would his hero Egon do in this situation?!

  As Tim was standing behind his mother holding a raised knife, he was too much of a sissy-pants to watch himself do what he was about to do. So he closed his eyes.

  And continued standing there, doing nothing. Just because you close your eyes, that doesn't make you stop being a sissy-pants!

  "That bitch told you to kill me again, didn't she?"

  "... yes mum."

  "You know that's not right. You know you're not healthy. Go on and take your pills now."

  Tim lowered the knife. And trundled to the bathroom. The fact that he'd never do anything interesting solidified in his heart. He pulled out the bottle of prescription pills, and took his anti-psychosis medication.

  His mother stood in front of him, smiling. "There there, it isn't you fault. Reading all those webnovels rotted your brain. Real girls will never talk to you, you know that." She patted him on the shoulder, like one would patronize a child they didn't think much of intellectually. "If you want to be a hero's secretary, you have to work hard and get the best grades. It's best you stop looking in that moldy old closet, too. Nothing's in there but your dirty old socks. Better to forget it all."

  "... yes mum."