My grandfather, though I lived with him for ten years, remained a mystery to me. He cared for me, obviously, and went out of his way to be kind and considerate, but seemed otherwise cold and distant, disinterested in my life as long as I did well and didn’t cause problems. And so when I announced my departure for New York after my high school graduation, his milquetoast reaction was to be expected; a calm sigh, and an assurance that I could always come back if things became unsatisfactory over in America. Maybe he knew this was my plan all along; I thought maybe he knew a lot more about me than I knew about myself, but the thought passed when I mentioned I would be bringing Aera with me. He seemed happy that I would have company, and so he offered to host a going-away party for us and Aera’s family.
Aera’s family; I’d never met them, even though I’d known her for over two years now. She kept her home life pretty close to her chest, but that night we made love, I spotted bruise marks on her abdomen, and assumed that things may not be alright at home for her. At first, I was furious, but I knew that if I got involved, she would never forgive me. Plus, I was already saving her by stealing her away to America, and so I settled with that. I confessed to my grandfather that her family relationship was rocky at best, and that the party would have to be just us three; he smiled softly and accepted.
Graduation was a blur: people received their diplomas, and their families and peers clapped. When I went to receive mine, it was quiet; I enjoyed that moment of silence, and reclaimed my seat. Friends cried and hugged each other, promising that they would keep in touch; others chatted about their upcoming college experiences, and how they were just going from one thing to the next. It was true, they were just walking the line, but the line was good and safe and true, and there was nothing wrong with that. I simply wanted to return to the place where my mother introduced me to strangers and I felt closeness to the streets I walked again. So I left my high school campus, and didn’t look back, knowing that everything I wanted to take with me, I was taking with me already. I swallowed a pang of regret that I didn’t get to make those friends, to cry with them about transitioning to a new part of life, but I hadn’t cried since my mother died, and I didn’t intend to surrounded by what to me amounted to a mass of strangers, and so I simply walked away.
Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original.
I had been accepted at NYU already, though I didn’t know what I wanted to do yet; no scholarship this time, and so I would have to emulate my mother and get a steady job at the same time. Aera had been accepted to Pratt University, and intended to get an Arts degree; we would work and live together. The thought excited me, that this person who sustained me would be around me during all my home hours. I imagined coming home after a long day of working at school and maybe some diner or coffee shop, and seeing her sitting on the couch in pajamas or whatever loungewear she preferred, and the soft smile on her face at seeing me come home. I wondered if my mother and father felt the same for each other when they came home; warmth spread to my fingertips.
By the time moving day came along, I had a fire in my heart; I had said my goodbyes to my dojo, the only relationships I had really ever made outside of school, and had my meager belongings packed. Aera and I were driven to the airport by my grandfather, who was quiet for the entire ride over, playing soft instrumental music on his stereo. When we pulled up to the departures dropoff, he helped us unload our suitcases, before he handed me an envelope, and embraced me. This embrace was strange; I awkwardly hugged back at first, telling him that I’d call him as soon as we landed. But he didn’t let go; he held me for a minute or two, his hands strong yet gentle on the small of my back. I stopped talking, and simply hugged back; he was a man of few words, but I could tell from his embrace that he was going to miss me.
“I want to thank you,” I said softly to him, and him alone, under the din of all the cars and planes. “You took me in when I had nothing, and gave me a home when home felt impossible. I will never forget your kindness. Whatever you may feel, know that you changed my life for the better. I’ll be sure to visit.” His hands began to tremble slightly, and I held him tighter. “I love you.”
He composed himself before letting me go, and giving me a soft smile, the soft smile I had learned to draw comfort from all of these years. I realized in this moment that he was a tether to this world, a tether that I would miss dearly, and I began to panic slightly at the thought of leaving him behind. But I knew that it was time to go, and I had my backpack, my carry-on, and my determination already packed, and so I returned his soft smile, before walking off with Aera towards the airport. Aera held my free hand and gave it an assuring squeeze; I composed myself and looked into her eyes, ready to begin this new chapter of my life.
