I was such an idiot. My house arrest must have turned me crazy for me to ever say what I said to Renius. When my brother spoke to me I finally remembered. Remembered what Gert told me. What I pondered on for so long I couldn’t sleep that night.

  The one I should be aiming to become isn’t my father or anyone else, I should aim to be myself, follow my own heart, not what others expect of me. It was such an easy idea once you had it, but being surrounded by nothing but contempt made it nearly impossible to think that way. But that’s exactly the point: Why should I aim to impress those who never accepted me for myself?

  It really made no sense once you realized it. No wonder Renius denied me with that kind of motivation, I wouldn’t want to train someone to mimic another man either. At that point I could just go to that other person to begin with and he clearly didn’t do that for one reason or another. That being said, I didn’t know what, if anything, Renius expected out of me either, but that didn’t matter. In the first place, I didn’t need to know magic. I was still enthralled by what he showed me. Who wouldn’t be? It was cool. But if he wouldn’t teach me nothing would change. I would still be myself and would still have to find my own path.

  So far, so good, I thought to myself. but what exactly is my path? I pondered as such while mindlessly walking through the castle. I had just finished my training with the annoyed Lubeck and was walking to my math class. The conversation with my brother cleared up my mind, but that didn’t mean I suddenly had a concrete plan of action in my head. I wanted to help the common people, make their lives better, share in their joy, their relief, their thankfulness. I suppose there was a certain self motivated side to this as well, but so what? If I could be happy by making others happy it would be a win-win. My family and the other nobles would be nothing but obstacles in this, they thought of the common people more like sheep to be herded. They would protect them and care for them, to a certain degree, but they weren’t concerned with their perspectives, their feelings. So naturally I couldn’t rely on them for this, except for maybe George.

  More importantly however, in what way exactly would I help them? I didn’t know what problems they had. The Manier Kingdom was relatively stable and secure, so there wasn’t any widespread poverty or starvation. Similarly, while there was crime, it wasn’t to the point of being a big issue. I wished I could just walk through the city and ask people, looking at what troubles them and getting a feel for it, but I was under house arrest and I couldn’t risk anything happening to Gert’s family or anyone else for that matter. That would be going against my own goal. If only I could feel their emotions from within the castle.

  I arrived at the math class, where my teacher promptly started talking about multiplication. I paid half hearted attention, I had more important things to think about after all.

  The class went by in a flash and I found myself wondering about the castle again. I had learned from the last time I bumped into George and paid minimum attention, preventing a repeat of what happened last time. Except this time my would-be-bumpee was my eldest sister, Isabelle. She was my half sister, born to my father’s first wife, just like George. Whereas I was born to his second wife. She was a bit younger than George at 18 years old and not yet married. I heard in history class that once upon a time royals were married as young as 13, both to ensure the continuation of the bloodline and for political reasons, but as the royal family of Manier established itself as ‘gifted’ rulers, ruling through the authority of being the strongest people in the kingdom, as well as living long and prosperous lives, that tradition of marrying as early as possible apparently slowly died out.

  Her heels clacked on the ground as she walked, while her long blonde hair swayed with every step. She stopped in front of me, a good head, or more, taller than me.

  “Alex, what are you doing here? Don’t you have duties to see to?” She spoke with a fake concern, as always. My sister Isabelle was the kind of person obsessed with maintaining her appearance. As long as there were people around she could not be seen as anything but the perfect woman, capable, caring, beautiful and yet strong and decisive, as those were the traits expected of a Manier royal. She wouldn’t outright pick on me with these people around, but her tone was fake. Something easy enough for me to tell, considering I’ve known her all ten years of my life, even without using my ability.

  “Yes, I do, eldest sister.I just came from my math class and I am now heading to my next one.” I answered by showing the proper courtesy. Nothing good would come of embarrassing her with people around.

  “Mh.” She gave a short affirmative moan. “Good, in that case make sure you study well.”

  She set out to end our encounter with that and go about her day, but I just had a thought.

  “Hey, eldest sister. May I ask you a question?” I stopped her.

  She turned around on her heels, a strained smile on her face.

  “Sure, what is it Alex? Anything I can help you with? Perhaps it’s about math?” I knew she wouldn’t just blow me off like that with people around, so I decided to take my shot asking what I’ve been wondering about.

  “What do you think would be the biggest improvement to the common people’s lives?” I asked outright.

  While of course in public she would play the empathetic princess, Isabelle answered with an open frown. A testament to how in the castle you didn’t need to pretend to care about such matters.

  “Their lives don’t need improving. Your job is to rule over them, uphold justice and order, because without us they would devolve into lawless animals. They don’t know what they want or need, that is precisely why we must not be swayed by what they think, otherwise, if we follow the whims of the public all our family worked to uphold and maintain, the Manier Kingdom and all it stands for, is sure to fall into ruin. Like the land to the west, where any mongrel can become king.”

  What else did I expect… I was baffled by the open contempt she showed. Not that I was surprised at her for the sentiments, but realizing once again that this isn’t something to be “hidden”, but something she, my appearance obsessed sister, felt comfortable to say out loud, was jarring. I guess I can forget about finding guidance from my family on this.

  “Of course. Thank you, sister. I’ll see to it that I make haste to my studies.” I gave an empty platitude of an answer and hurried my way out of the conversation.

  _________________________

  Soon I found myself in another boring lecture, this time it was on the laws of our country, that I was to learn in great detail.

  “Hey, what do you think would be the biggest improvement to the common people’s life?” I asked my teacher out of the blue. I had decided that asking that question to my family wouldn’t work, but maybe this woman, a low ranking noble, had other thoughts?

  “Where did that come from? Are you paying attention to the class?” She instead reprimanded me.

  “Yes, I am, you were just talking about how to settle disputes between farmers.”

  She didn’t quite look convinced, but I was paying the minimum amount of attention, so she didn’t find fault to complain on.

  “Fine. To answer your question, I think the best thing you can do for the common people is lead them in a strong and decisive way. If you, as a royal, show them strength and competence, it will ease their worries. Common people lead the best life focused on their daily activities, such as tending to the fields, not caught up in grand projects or thoughts of change and your leadership needs to be one to quell any unrest, allowing them to do that without worry. Does that answer your question?”

  “Yes.” I lied. I wasn’t satisfied with that answer. She had less open contempt than my sister, but the message wasn’t all too different: I shouldn’t be concerned with their feelings and thoughts, but I couldn’t accept that answer. The common people had emotions of their own, lives of their own. How could it be best to ignore that and treat them like cattle?

  “Good. Now then, let’s get back on track. In case of disputed farm land…”

  The lecture went on.

  ________________

  Once I was finished with my duties for the day I went to my chambers. On the way there I found Grace. I had asked her to brew me tea, mostly just as an excuse to get to talk to her. Then while she was working, I asked.

  “Hey Grace, what do you think would be the biggest improvement to the common people’s lives?” I asked her, a common woman, albeit one who has worked in the castle for longer than I have even been born, the same question.

  “I do not believe I am qualified to give you my opinion on this.” She answered immediately, shutting my question down. I had half expected it, but the most annoying thing was that I could tell she wasn’t lying to get out of the situation, she truly believed that.

  “Come on, don’t you have anything? Any thoughts on this?” I probed her further.

  “No, your highness, I do not. I believe that you, as both a royal and gifted with the ability to feel others emotions, are far more qualified to answer that question than I could ever be.”

  “Yeah well, I can’t feel what people are thinking from here and I can’t leave the castle. So how would I know?” I vented my frustration.

  She poured me my tea, gracefully as always, while talking.

  “And there is no way to remedy that?”

  “No, I don’t think my father will let me out of the castle any time soon. I am stuck here, wondering on my own.”

  She finished pouring me my tea, put the kettle down and stood at the ready.

  “Is that so? And you can’t learn to extend the range of your ability?” She asked.

  “Learn to extend the range of my ability? No, I have no idea how to even begin to do-....”

  Wait.

  Mid sentence I realized. Renius implied that “magic” could make all sorts of things happen and my ability was a form of “magic”, right? Wouldn’t it then be possible for him to actually teach me how to extend the range of my ability?

  “Yeah maybe that works. I have to try it.” I mumbled under my breath.

  “I am sorry, what was that, your highness?” Grace asked.

  “I just had a great idea thanks to you, Grace. Thank you.” I thanked her.

  “If I was somehow of use to you, I am glad.” Grace said with the same professional demeanor.

  Now I had a plan of action. First I would ask Renius to teach me how to master the usage of my ability. Extend the range, increase the amount of people I could read at once and hopefully also manage to overcome the ‘wall’ of other ‘gifted’. Then I would use the information I will be able to gather using my ability to determine how to best go about helping the people in the Manier Kingdom.

  Finally for the first time in my life I had a goal, something to work towards. I was so excited I could barely wait for the day Renius said to meet me as I imagined all the great things I would be able to accomplish.

  /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

  Renius and I immediately took off after clearing up things back in my home village. I didn’t want to stay there for long and Renius had no interest in it either, so neither of us had a problem with that. I had no idea where we would go, but I wasn’t bothered by that. Renius only told me that he is travelling east, in the direction of the Manier kingdom, not however where his exact destination would be. Maybe he didn’t have one?

  Anyway, such thoughts only occurred to me at first, while walking. Very quickly my thoughts turned towards magic, the reason I am travelling with him in the first place. So naturally, barely 2 hours away from my home village, I began asking him to teach me.

  “Hey Renius, when will I start learning magic?” I asked him while walking through hilly grasslands.

  “You are quite impatient Mira, aren’t you?” Renius laughed. “But okay, we can begin sooner rather than later, if you are that eager.” Renius stopped walking to turn to me. He gestured to the grass and sat down. I followed suit.

  I could barely sit still, but apparently the first lesson was one we would do while sitting.

  “Try sitting still. As still as you can. Do not move a single muscle, close your eyes and tune out noises. Focus on if there is anything else you can feel. Not sight, not sound, not smells or even touch. Can you try doing that for me?” He kindly told me.

  Not sight, sound, smell or touch? Then what else was I supposed to feel, taste? I doubted it since he hadn’t told me to eat anything. Still I decided to try my best. I closed my eyes and darkness took over my sight. I sat still, forcing myself to not twitch or move, doing my best to tune out all senses.

  “Now what?” I asked, somewhat irritated.

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  “Try focusing within, think of your blood circulating, your heart beating, your body filling with energy.” He told me.

  I did as he told me and began focusing my attention on my heart beat. I could feel my heart beating a steady rhythm in my chest, slowly calming and slowing down the more I focused, the sound taking up all my attention as all other senses were tuned out.

  “Okay, now?” I could feel my heart and my blood, but I didn’t know how this related to magic.

  “Do you feel anything out of the ordinary? Something that isn’t blood flowing through your body?” He asked me.Something that isn’t blood? What else would be flowing through my body? I hadn’t drank water in an hour or so.

  “No. I can only feel my heart beat and blood flow. How is this going to help me learn magic?” I asked as I opened my eyes.

  “Fascinating.” Renius had a bewildered look on his face. What was “fascinating”? I wish he would explain instead of just asking me to do these weird things.

  “What? What is going on?”

  “I will explain in time, for now please close your eyes again and give me your hand for a second.” He told me.

  I grumbled, but complied, closed my eyes and held out my hand.

  “Don’t get startled now.” He told me as he touched the back of my hand. His skin was not especially dry, but old and wrinkly.

  “Do you feel anything?” He asked me.

  “Only your wrinkled hand.” I answered.

  “Rude. But alright, I figured as much.” He hadn’t let go yet. “Then how about now?”

  As he asked me again something felt weird on my hand. A tingle came over my hand, moving up my arm. My eyes shot open and I batted my hand away on instinct. It felt like something was under my skin.

  “I take it you felt something just now, then?” He asked me grinning.

  “Yeah, it tingled. Like something was under my skin. For a second I thought an insect had bitten me or something like that.” I told him.

  “Rest assured, there was no insect on your hand. But more importantly, this confirms it: you have the talent to learn magic.” He proclaimed without explaining anything to me.

  “?” I was just confused, and it must have shown on my face.

  “Alright, I will explain now. All ‘gifted’ have magical energy in them. It’s what allows them to wield supernatural abilities, like the one I used to heat that young knight's blade, as you know. However, every ‘gifted’ I have ever met in my life lacked the ability to perceive magical energy, let alone direct it.” He took on an informative tone, like an actual grandfather teaching his granddaughter.

  “But then how do they use their abilities?” I was confused, if magical energy was required to use these abilities and they couldn’t actually perceive it, how did they use their abilities?

  “Do you know how to make your heart beat? Can you make it stop beating on command, without injuring yourself and then starting it again?”

  Of course I couldn’t do that. My heart kept beating regardless of if I wanted it to or not, no one can control their heart with a thought.

  “No, of course not. My heart beats without me noticing it.” I answered matter of factly to this weird question.

  “Exactly. For most ‘gifted’ it is a bit like that. They have an ability they instinctively use, without being aware of the exact mechanism or way it works. They simply at one point imagine doing whatever it is they have the ability for and it happens, without understanding what it truly is they are doing. Perhaps you could liken it to an animal, going about its day as its instincts dictate without truly understanding what they are doing.”

  So they couldn’t perceive it, but used it instinctively. I understood that much, but how was this different from magic? From me?

  Renius went on to explain just that: “What I just asked you to do, focusing on your heart, was a test to see if you could consciously direct your magical energy. And interestingly enough, I could tell that your magical energy accumulated in your heart and blood. Did you notice anything out of the ordinary about your body?”

  “The only thing I realized was that my heart beat slowed down the more I focused on it, but I didn’t feel weak.”

  “Makes sense, magic can strengthen the body. It is why I can move the way I do despite my advanced age. Why I am stronger than that young knight. When I do it, I am aware of it however, I feel the magic circulate through my body and my muscles. Though of course by now I have been doing it for so long it’s become second nature to me.”

  “So I just directed the magical energy in my body to my heart and that made it stronger so it beat slower? Why would it beat slower?” I understood what he said about magic, but why would a strong heart beat slower, wouldn’t it beat faster instead?

  “Oh that’s nothing to do with magic per se. Your heart will only beat as hard as it needs to, so the stronger it is the slower it has to beat to keep you alive and the slower it will beat as a consequence.” He explained.

  So having a strong body means your heart beats slow? Wait, that was not the important part here.

  “Okay so I can direct magical energy? Is that my ability?” I asked him.

  “Yes, but also no. I have never met a ‘gifted’ other than me who could direct his energy to different parts of their body like that and when I do it, I do it consciously. You on the other hand didn’t even notice you were doing it, so I wondered if maybe that was your ability. The ability to strengthen whatever you focused on, which would already be a rarity, since most have stagnant abilities, like extremely good eyes, or physical strength. However, when I touched your hand - the second test - I tried to direct some of my magic, more than you would be used to being exposed to at once, to your body to see if you could feel it. That was the ‘tingle’ you noticed.”

  “So I can direct magic and feel it too?” I was getting a bit overwhelmed at this point, but I had to push on. If this would help me become stronger I could not stop learning.

  “Yes. Though it seems that you have been using your own magic subconsciously your entire life, so you never noticed anything out of the ordinary, like how you breathe without thinking about it. What sets you apart from other gifted though, who similarly instinctively use their abilities, is that not a single one of them I have ever met could feel magical energy. If I am right, then with the ability to consciously direct your magical energy and the ability to perceive it, you should more or less be able to learn anything.” Renius said, putting special emphasis on the “anything”.

  I could learn to do anything? What did that mean?

  “So I will be able to do everything I can imagine?” I asked Renius with bated breath.

  “No, not everything. Listen, one thing I have learned about magic is that there is truly no limit to what it can do. It can make you fly, turn you invisible, make you immortal even. However, there is a limit to what mages can do. Your imagination, understanding, ability to perceive, efficiently use and store magic in your body, even the human body itself, will limit what you are able to do.” He took a dramatic pause. “Always remember this: Magic will let you do anything, but never everything. At the end of the day you are still a human. One with more power than most, but still a human. And the same goes for me and all other ‘gifted’. Make sure not to forget this, ever. This will be your first lesson.” He finished speaking.

  Magic will let me do anything, but never everything. I committed that sentence to my memory as I mulled over what he told me. I had the talent to become powerful. I could consciously direct my magical energy, as well as perceive it, which is what was needed in order to learn magic.

  Mhh? A question arose in my mind.

  “So if I can perceive magic and consciously direct it in my body, shouldn’t I be able to feel the magic in my own body as well?” I voiced my ponderings.

  “Exactly what I was thinking. You catch on quick. You should definitely be able to, I think you might just be numb to it because you did so unconsciously for your entire life. And that, being able to sense the magic in your own body, will be the first step in your training, because without easily feeling it you won’t be able to easily activate it either.” He concluded.

  Alright, I could follow so far. I needed to be able to feel the magic in my body, that tingling feeling I felt when Renius touched my hand, without help, but how did I go about practicing that?

  “So I need to be able to feel that tingling without your help, right?” I asked him to confirm my thoughts.

  “Yes, that is exactly right. You really are quite the dedicated student.” Renius smiled.

  “How can I do that?”

  “Mhh good question. The way I learned it was by using different abilities and slowly noticing the feeling of magic accumulating in that particular part of my body and then focusing on that feeling. I would personally describe it a bit like how when you sit on your hands for a long time and then stand up the blood rushes back to your hands and tingles. Like that I experimented with letting the magical energy rush to a part of my body and noticing the sensations, tracing them throughout my body, until I had a feel for magical energy and could easily move it around.”

  Renius spoke, almost to himself more so than to me it seems, but still I listened intently. Finally he stood up and exclaimed.

  “I got it!” He was really excited.

  “Got what?” I asked.

  “How I’m gonna teach you. We’ll do it on the road.”

  “On the road?” I pondered.

  “Yes. While walking, focus your attention with all your might, like you just did with your heart, on your head, that is, your eyes, ears, nose and then on your legs and feet, in alternation. That way, while walking you should be able to take note of the feeling of the magic moving from specific parts of your body to others and the physical sensations that come with it. I imagine if you move the magic away from your legs they will begin to feel sore, but your senses will sharpen, but then if you move the magic back to your legs they will no longer hurt, but your senses will dull. Take note of these sensations. Do you understand what I am saying?” Renius finished presenting his method.

  I think I understood. If I focused on my legs the magic would go there and I could feel the difference. That way I would become used to controlling magical energy in my body and the sensations that come with it.

  “I think I understand it, yes, but isn’t it tiring to constantly be aware of the magic in your body?” I couldn’t imagine having to constantly focus like I just did. If I did I couldn’t do anything harder than perhaps walking slowly.

  “At first I imagine it will be yes. It’s a bit like developing a whole new sense or perhaps like a sound you permanently hear and can’t tune out. But in time you will get used to the feeling of magic and it will become easier to control, it will take less effort with time.” Renius spoke those reassuring, but honest words.

  But in the end it didn’t matter to me how difficult it would be. I had nothing else to do, nothing else left anyway. So I would learn it.

  “Alright, I understand, let’s get moving.” I said.

  “Gladly. Just follow my lead and concentrate on yourself. I will pay attention to our surroundings.”

  With that Renius and my journey, as well as my training, started for real, as we once again began moving eastward, through grasslands and forests, at a leisurely pace.

  ____________________________________________________________________________

  The next few days Renius and I continued walking. I did little else besides walking, eating, sleeping and, obviously, magic training. Renius occasionally checked in on my practice, giving advice here and there or complimenting what he found to be good progress. Personally I started noticing changes as well. The longer I kept this cycle going, the easier it became for me to maintain that concentration and the more aware I became of how much of my magic was caught up in different parts of my body. I developed a sense for feeling the magic in my body after roughly six days, the way it impacted me in different ways.

  When I told Renius about this, about how I believe to have developed a sense for magical energy, he tested me.

  He handed me a shiny red apple, one he plucked from somewhere on our journey and asked me to imbue it with my magical energy, about what I felt to be one fifth of my total.

  I complied and concentrated my magic on flowing through my arms, into my hands and finally into the apple. The apple began shaking as I poured more and more magical energy into it, until finally, it exploded outward. I just barely ducked away, startled by the sudden noise and motion, to avoid anything hitting my eyes, but Renius had already stepped back a few steps.

  “Hey you knew this was going to happen, didn’t you?” I pieced 2 and 2 together and accused him.

  “That I did, yes.” He jovially laughed. ”This is another lesson: Magic, if forced into objects that cannot maintain that level of magical energy, will become unstable and finally explode as the magic escapes outward. This same principle also applies to living beings. You can, through training, much like training your muscles, slowly increase your capacity for magic, but if you force too much magic into an unprepared body, the blood vessels will burst, muscles will snap and finally, they will meet a fate not unlike that apple.”

  I shuddered to imagine this happening to a human body, to my own body.

  “So you always need to remember to not go past your limits and slowly work your way up. And that will be the next step in mastering magic. You will learn how to increase your capacity for magic.” He declared.

  I was excitedly listening to his speech. So far I felt like I haven’t really been doing much. It was difficult to maintain that level of concentration all the time, but ultimately I felt like I was just mentally working, without any changes to my body or abilities.

  “How do I do that?” I eagerly awaited the next step in my training.

  “Pretty simple, really. It’s more or less the same as muscle training actually. If you get close to your limits, your body will adapt, what this means for muscle training is pretty well understood. Do push ups until you can’t do any more and the next time you will be able to do more. What this means for magic is that if you use all the magic or close to all the magic in your body, you will adapt by developing a higher resistance to and ultimately capacity for magic. I have multiple ideas for how we could go about training that in your case, so tell me whichever one you prefer, okay?”

  “I will do whatever it takes.” I was finally going to get stronger.

  “It’s nothing quite that drastic, no need to worry. One way I propose you can train is, well… training. If you do muscle training, pushing your body with magic until even the magic runs out you should be able to train both your physical body, and magical capacity at the same time, but I don’t know how good of an idea it is for a girl of your age to undergo harsh physical training. The other method I can conceive would be something more passive, like pushing your sense or heart to its limit and holding that state for as long as your magic lets you hold out. Either way, as long as you properly exhaust your body's magical energy, you will recover stronger the next time. So what do you say?”

  So I could train by physical exertion or mental exertion? I didn’t know which one would work better, but my instinct was to go with physical training, as that would surely let me become more powerful faster.

  As I was still in thought Renius spoke up once more, with a mischievous voice.

  “Actually, I have an idea. It might be a bit unorthodox, but you should be able to make it at this point.” He grinned. “What do you think about the idea of survival training?” He said.

  “Survival training? What does that mean?” I asked what the dubious word entailed.

  “Well I couldn’t help but notice that the forest we’re currently in is relatively peaceful, so I figured why not combine your training with something a little more practical and have you survive on your own in these forests for a week?” Renius said.

  We were currently traveling through a relatively quiet stretch of forest. We came across the occasional rabbit, and birds were chirping, but we hadn’t seen anything bigger than a small deer. Neither did we meet any humans walking the overgrown path. I wonder if this was once a hunting ground that got abandoned?

  “How would surviving here help me train?” I wasn’t sure about the idea.

  “Well of course, for it to be proper training, while surviving here you have to push your magic to its limits. Climbing trees, running away from boars, or even fighting them, smelling around for edible fruit, listening to the sounds of the forest to avoid predators, I think there would be plenty of opportunities to push both your physical body AND your senses, what do you think?” Renius suggested.

  I looked around the forest a bit. He was right in that I could smell and hear much better than before. I could concentrate on and improve my senses with ease, beyond what I could do before. Similarly I never got tired when walking as long as I concentrated magic in my legs and feet. How hard can it be to do both at the same time? I figured.

  “Alright, I agree.” I made up my mind, to Renius’s delight. He told me he would stay nearby to ensure nothing would happen to me, just in case. And gave me a handful of cured meat and dried fruit, as well as a waterskin filled with clean drinking water. It wasn’t quite enough to last the whole week, but I wouldn’t starve or dehydrate to death either, even if I didn’t find anything to eat or drink. After which Renius left me in the forest, nonchalantly wished me good luck and disappeared from my sight.

  And with that my week long survival training in the woods began.