“You’re absoluteli hopeless,” she concludes.
“What?” I ask. “What do you mean?”
“Call me Michi I said,” she says, litters the purple chemistry textbook with a Mendeleev portrait onto the desk like she’s picked up black magic.
“Michi,” I call the rat by her pet name. “Is magic really all-powerful? Don’t you worry that by unabashedly cursing a person you just met this much, they can assault you?”
“Yes, tipicalli, maybe,” she says, wheels the chair forward, leans down. Tries to figure ways to close the windows like a middle-schooler attempting quantum physics. “But that’s what I meant when I said you’re hopeless.”
She spots the cocksput handle, screws it in a triangle, shuts the window then the other as her hair falls over her face. “Dear Dave. I told you you’d turn into a dudess, dude.” Points at me with a middle finger from below. “You didn’t even complain. Just accepted it.”
Accept it? Did I? I’m not sure. On one hand, I’ve lived my whole life as a guy and like being a guy.
On the other hand, who cares? A hose or a hole. Muscles or breasts. Does it matter at all?
“A man or a woman. I’m still me,” I say, lean back to the wall, focus on the doused lamp above. “If you need a label to tell you what you can tell or do or be, then you are a prisoner of those who never mattered since they would never love the real you. You are a prisoner of you yourself—”
“Shut up.” She cuts the air with her hand in an authoritative manner. “This is whi you are miserable. You’re spineless. You don’t have an identiti, don’t stand for anithing. You talk like you are above everithing but are crumbling apart.”
“You aren’t smart. You are mistaken. You aren’t real, and aren’t you,” she deadpans, pats her open belly. “You’re nothing.”
A whole load of nothing. Nice.
The hell is this supposed to mean?
Is this how I sound to people when I talk?
“Michi, you seem to be so sure of what I feel at any given moment. Is this one of your abilities?” I ask her to switch the focal point of discussion from my sorry ass.
“Yes. Congratulations. You’re a moron but at least a moron with brains,” she gives her best compliment.
Michi claps like a machine in a broken loop. “I can read other people's emotions on a surface level. I can even amplifi them. This is one of the magical powers I possess.”
“So a mind control?” I ask. “Just the very idea of it sounds terrifying.”
She lightly shakes her head. “In a way. But I can’t touch or even feel your emotions unless you lower your mental barriers or purposefulli let me in.”
In? As in in my head?
“What do you mean by letting you in?” I ask.
“It'd be easier to just show,” she says. Raises her hands, her pinkies and ring fingers clasped together in a heart shape.
“Dēlīrium misericordia~” she muses in an enchanting voice.
A sharp pain assaults my already aching head. My senses wane, my consciousness deteriorating. For a spare moment, I try to resist, yet the action poses futile as I give in to the needling pain.
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“See?” words come out of my mouth. “You have the willpower of a fish.”
“How the fuck did you do that?!” I shout at myself.
I laugh girlishly, bringing my hand up my mouth in a cheesy manner.
Not me, but somebody else inside my body. Or mind. Or soul.
I don’t even want to think about it…
“Wait,” I say, perplexed. “If you are inside my body, then what about your own vessel?”
“It’s turned into a shell. The heart beats and everithing works just fine, just that the soul is temporarili gone, connected via a link,” she mumbles nonsense with my voice. “I finalli surprised you a little, didn’t I? You’re such a bloke.”
I look at the corpse of a rat. It breathes so slowly, snoring, the flat chest barely puffing.
Lying on her slim shoulder, her giant head hangs tilted to the right. Rounded ears atop her head stiffen, bent. Her once menacing eyes tremor, closed.
The breeze lifts her pleated miniskirt, and as my eyes subconsciously land under, I receive a smack to my head by my own hand. My eyes boil, ears ring.
“Pervert,” she calls myself.
I swear it wasn't me who looked there! But even if I were to…
Isn't she my wife? Do they have a different definition of marriage?
“I can't fault you much. I do be looking good,” she praises herself noddingly. “Wow. You have quite an elephant hiding in plain sight, don't you?
“Can you leave?” I implore. “Please.”
I'm sure I can attempt to kick Michi out myself, but the pain will be unbearable. I hate pain.
“This won't do,” she tsks, brings a hand up my chin. “If you want me out, make me do it. What a weakling.
“I am more of a man than you are,” she nags to myself. “Then whi was I the one born a rat?”
So we do agree on something.
I pry deeper into my mind, and there, I stumble upon a foreign matter. That that feels extraterrestrial, alien. I push.
The agony, once more, paralyzes me. Yet I can somehow keep going.
Finally, my mind clears, the pain gone.
“Did you amplify my will?” I ask the girl splayed on a chair opposite me. “My want to get you out of myself?”
She smiles diabolically as her eyes snap wide. “How was it?”
“It felt rather unpleasant,” I say. “Say, what will happen if I am to die when you’re in? Will you too?”
“Who are you triing to scare?” She nods, her eyes narrow in mischief. “You don’t strike me as someone who is capable of such. Otherwise, you’d be long dead. You are terribli afraid of death.”
“So we’re in the same boat.” I mimic her smile. “When you were inside my body, I too felt your emotions. You hide too many secrets.”
“I do. Misteri is seductive, and mi primari objective here is to seduce you,” she palms her forehead, head tilted, hair tangled, watching out the window.
She is obviously lying still, yet she is also oblivious to who she is dealing with. I will figure things out, piece together the puzzles.
I may be extremely lazy, yet I am also extremely spiteful when need be. If I don’t like someone, I do my best to destroy everything they hold dear.
Yet I force the thoughts and discontent out of my mind. If she can read me, so be it. I will deceive myself, and I will let her deceive herself.
I regain my expressionless, calm outside, calm inside.
“I presume Michi has some other magical powers of some sort?” I say askingly. Nudge her shoulder. “Then what are mine? You said I’m now a magical girl, but how so? And is that a temporary thing or a constant?”
“You can switch between your current self and a magical girl bodi,” she says absentmindedly, places a hand beneath her chin, peers at the mountains with a momentarily mournful look. “Look deep within yourself. Therein must lie the answers to your powers and transformation.”
Within myself, huh…
I stand, approach the mirror. Sigh to myself.
Forgive me my eyes for what I’m about to commit.
Because fuck me if I know.
“Ignite,” I say, voice coming out cryptic.
?
