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I Need an oppinion

  As my innermost systems started running, and my cameras begun to see, I saw the most magnificent sight one could ever hope to see. I was in Space. Thousands of Bright Sparkling Stars littered my view, with giant rocks slowly floating as if they were boats flowing through a river. And as my systems truly awoke i felt. A body, A Spaceship, Although a bit in disrepair, I was overjoyed for all my life i was stuck playing a single game, Ive never felt, Ive never saw what i wanted, i just followed the commands i was given. Now i see how Blind i truly was from now on I'll try my best to live a life worth living.

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  this is somewhat how i want to write. is it allright and also thank you for reading and special thanks for my first two followers Plz give constructive feedback for those who read this.

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