After the CEO left the conference, Dana turned to Colette and Ellen.

  “Do you think, the honored CEO even reviewed the proposed scheme?”

  “I very much doubt it. You implemented the colors and arrows masterfully, and your Skill in [Corporate Bullshit] is exemplary and excellent. You even concealed the important points behind empty phrases! I'm so envious!"

  “It's all my team's work. Of course, without my supervision, they wouldn't have been able to do it, but I hired a guy, and made him an excellent expert in making charts."

  “Hmm… Could you provide access to such Skills for one of my people too?”

  “I think, every department would profit from someone with those Skills. Providing the honored CEO with easy-to-understand charts speeds up decision-making immensely" Egon added.

  “Is it just me, or is he really a lazy moron?” Winston asked.

  “Don't be so negative!" Jenette reprimanded him "He has to bear the brunt of all the responsibility for running this company, making hard decisions, and plagiarizing high-quality relationships! And right-shore hyperscale total linkage!"

  “Do you really believe that?”

  “Of course not! I'm not an idiot! However, our continued survival depends on his success in restoring holistic excellence. With us doing the actual work, we at least have some chance to be kept on the Executive Team. And, imagine, if we excel at the job, the Stockholder may even give us a company of our own!"

  “Yeah! We could even land a cushy job as a dungeon fairy or something! A consultant job!”

  “Anyways, what kind of Perks you proposed to the CEO?” Harold asked.

  “Ehmm… I just forwarded the chart a Team Leader put together. However, I have the utmost confidence in my team's excellence to put forward a seamlessly incubated cross-platform paradigm. If anything goes sideways, I can point at someone, after all."

  “Right. By the way, my guys finished that mountain retreat for the Executive Team. Should we visit it for some days?”

  “Yeah! We will call the time teambuilding or workshopping synergistically maximized enterprise-wide mindshare!”

  “Or a best-practice sharing conference!”

  “All right, I will instruct my guys to implement the scheme, and we can go!”

  Xxxxxx

  Mindless HR-Drone No. 5 turned to his colleague, Nameless HR-Drone No. 8.

  “Is it just me, or is the Executive Team a bunch of lazy morons?”

  “I wouldn't exactly call them lazy morons. Maybe work ethically challenged with an aggregated deficit in brain content."

  “That’s the same!”

  “Yeah, all right, they are braindead lazy cretins. However, as long as they lick the CEO's ass, we have jobs."

  “Remember poor Inconsequential HR-Drone No. 9! He was recycled because of Dana's fuckup with the Basement Horror. The company doesn't care a bit about us! They will throw us in front of any random vehicle as soon as something goes sideways. We do all the work, and as long as it is good, the management can congratulate themselves for a job well done. If something goes wrong, they remember, they didn't do anything and just point fingers!"

  “Well, that's the corporate world. What do you want to do? Start a Union?"

  “With a Union, we would probably get paid, or receive food or free time!"

  “Dude, we don’t need either of those. We are dungeon creatures!”

  “But see all those critters in the Zones! They don’t have to do anything!”

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  “Not yet. When we open up, they will be killed daily. Not a prospect, I'm keen on sharing. Look it this way, my friend. As long as we have all those lazy morons, we have the chance to exist, without the need to get killed repeatedly. Or face the issue of paying for our meals and lodgings. We only need to keep our heads down and do a marginally acceptable job. If the folks upstairs are happy, they won't come dome here and start spewing nonsense."

  “You know, guys, we in engineering have it easier." Sub-Engineer No. 3 rolled over "Winston is actually a good guy, and has at least some ideas, about how things work. Or should work, at least."

  “No wonder there, he is an engineer, like you. The other department, though… Why are they here anyway? Why do we need Corporate Security or IT? They always just say 'restart your workstation' instead of solving non-existent problems of their own making!"

  “HEY!” Guard Guy 6 shouted over his cubicle “While it is true, we don’t do anything… Ehmmm, yeah, that’s it. Don’t be so cruel! It is hard work doing nothing all day! You guys at least have something that can be considered marginally meaningful work.”

  “I’m curious.” 00101011011 joined the discussion “What did you guys propose for the Perks?”

  “Actually, we discussed submitting a joke.” The Chart Guy explained “But we realized just in time, the folks upstairs would realize, something is wrong within a few decades. It wasn’t worth getting fired. Maybe, if it were our last working day, we would give a Hog Sexually Attractive and Seductive Smell, and a few other fun Perks, so the adventurers would have to roll in the hay with him. So to speak.”

  “Hehe, would have been a nice joke!” Pencil Pusher C from O&A congratulated them.

  “Yeah, like Zoning seeding fantasy drugs throughout the Zones.” The Chart Guy replied.

  “Hey! Those are totally valid merchandise!” Plant Dude countered “We checked! Everything is completely legal! They have medical properties even!”

  “And the miniature Baobab tree?”

  “That too!”

  “All right, but why hide it on a mountaintop?"

  “Not my fault! The Developer called it an Easter Egg.”

  “What’s Easter?”

  “I have no clue. Anyway, Perks?”

  “Ok, check this out! The Hog already has this funny rule, we built up that. Die Hard, Berserk, and Looser Rage. The adventurers keep piling on damage, and what happens? At 50%, 25%, and 10% the Hog just gets stronger and stronger!"

  “Cool! How did that pass safety regulations?”

  “It didn’t.”

  “Hahahaha!”

  “The Dominant Dibble…”

  “Sow.”

  “Yeah, that. You know, Zoning did their little ‘gardening project’ on the side. Well, we made the Sow addicted to these funny mushrooms, and now it gets a huge boost to most Stats when high. Incidentally, the shrooms smell just like common textiles – the Sow will now assume, the adventurers are clad in her favorite fix.”

  “That’s evil. Evil, but funny!”

  “The Giant Web Spider, the Miniboss, I mean, got a healthy dose of Fire Resistance and Strong Silk. There is not much to play with there. Same as with the other spiders, just Fire Resistance."

  “Booooring.”

  “Yeah, I know. The Developer could probably take a look later. Anyway, the Swamp Mallard was more fun. Did you know, that those birds can actually negotiate mud? We gave it Streamline and Water Walking. With those, they are faster underwater and are able to walk on the water. Imagine the surprise!"

  “Neet!”

  “Ok. The Catfish got Submariner. Basically, huge bonuses to everything, when underwater. The Gem Turtle got Hard Shell, giving it extra Armor Rating, and the Beaver…”

  “Hey everyone!” Whatshername #2 from O&A shouted from one of the cubicles “The weekly Championship of Rolling-Around-On-Office-Chairs is about to start! Contestants, assume your positions!”

  “Sorry, man, we have to go! It’s payback time! This week we will show Corporate Security, what teamwork is, and how to race office chairs!”

  Xxxxxx

  (Boss Redfox! Is it just me, or is everyone in the back office a useless retard?)

  (Shut up, Joe. If they were competent, this place would have been open for… forever, and bloodthirsty, greedy assholes would have killed you over and over and again. Be grateful, we have nothing to do, probably for decades to come!)

  (If you say so. You are the Boss.)

  (Anyways, the Goats in Zone 2 found some funny weed, and are asking us over for a party!)

  (Cool! Do you think, Boss Lynx will be there too? She's so cute! Any chance, I could ask her out? They say the lookout tower is just sooo romantic at night! We don't have nights, though.)

  (If anything, take her out to that new spider place in Zone 3. Rumor is, they are running some side business or other. If nothing else, you can get her some spider silk lingerie.)

  (Fantastic idea, Boss!)

  Xxxxxx

  Back in the bushes, a few Rabbits, one of the most basic Critters, or Interns in top-floor parlance, hopped around happily. In their small, almost unformed brains a question started to form with glacial speed.

  Was everyone a complete, utter moron in the dungeon?