“As for the lookout tower, the usher could be either Creeping Vines, Poison Ivy, or a Fire Salamander." HR continued outlaying the proposed Org Chart.
“Strange. You keep proposing plants, while we are an animal-based company.” Zoli replied.
“Ehmm, honored CEO, sir, the politically correct term would be invertebrate-focused. We don't want to be painted as an insensitive venture." Jenette informed her infallible boss, with Colette and Ellen nodding.
“Yes, you are right. So the answer to my question is…?”
“Yes, honored CEO, sir. There are three reasons. First is a heavy application of greenwashing. We could point out, that we planted a few plants here and there, and our economic footprint and environmental impact are mitigated. Second, hiring employees from a different background would incubate the company's dedication to inclusivity and would forestall claims of Botanophobia. Creating a leadership position for a plant would reinforce that statement. And finally, being an invertebrate-focused company, it is Customer Services' and Quality Management's stance, to provide a diverse experience to the customers."
“Those are actually very good points, dynamically conceptualizing elastic process improvements. However, in this case, the lookout tower is situated on a barren…”
“Herbally challenged, sir.”
“On a herbally challenged hill. I would think, putting deep green vines or ivy on an otherwise dried up…”
“Waterally challenged, sir.”
“You made that just up! There is no such word!” Winston cut in
“Impacted by climate change?”
“Those are limestone hills, Jenette. They are dry by design!”
“Still, we could work with that. Put up a sign, declaring, it's all because of climate change, and we could greenwash by stating, we put effort into reforestation."
“Dana, hire the Fire Salamander!” Zoli had enough. The Executive Team could discuss how to phrase ethical schemas to redefine holistic portals when he wasn’t around. “What does it do?”
“They are highly resistant to fire and have an innate ability to set things on fire.”
“Can they set fire to that dried-up grass and shrubbery?"
“Certainly, honored CEO, sir.”
“Good. What leadership skills and perks do you propose for the two Deputy Zone Leaders?”
“For the Centipede, Camouflage to better hide in the detritus and Assassin to make that first, surprise attack more devastating. For the Fire Salamander Pyromaniac, to enhance delivered damage and Empowered Innate Magic to optimize extensive synergies between the skills and perks.”
“Wait! The Salamander isn’t a Representative, but a Specialist! Won’t this cause challenges with the Zone Leader being only a Representative?”
“No, honored CEO, sir. The Zone Leader is still stronger. Seamlessly exploiting distributed leadership skills, the Zone Leader, and for that part, the Centipede, or even the Senior Agents could stomp the Salamander. Only by synergistically networking functional resources is the Salamander capable of delivering client-based applications to the customers. Besides, the Zone Leader is the person promoted to the position, no matter the actual skills or classification. Technically, we could make an Intern the Zone Leader."
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“So, while my Lynx is better than your Salamander, putting it on a waterless hill, covered in dried-up shrubbery, and provided with synergic skill and perks, your Salamander could still be dangerous?"
“Yes, honored CEO, sir.”
“All right, hire the two, I will sign the promotions. What else?”
“There is the question of common Interns, Representatives, and Agents. The Zone has currently only a small selection, but the provisional Org Chart points out the metrics of future-proof MOB density. We plan to hire another few Weasels, Stick-In Rabbits, and a family or two of Foxes. Those will provide fitting testing procedures for the customers." Dana finished her presentation with that note.
“Honored CEO, we only face the challenge of providing the customers with fitting merchandise." Ellen from Quality Management took the stage "There are a few herbs and fruits distributed in the Zone, but besides that, we can only provide the parts of the terminated employees. The potions and poisons from Zone 1 could be used, if we don't have anything else, and we could seed some lockets and pendants through Zone 2, but providing unique opportunities in each Zone would be more excellent."
“Honored CEO." Egon spoke up "We are quite certain, we could enhance the Lynx' pelt, claws, and paws both as on-employee assets and as merchandise. Same with the goats' horns and the centipede's shell. The Salamander certainly has unique properties as a Specialist. Otherwise, HR provided us with a list of colorful small birds, we should be able to enhance the plumage even further."
“We can enhance on-employee assets?!?”
“Yes, honored CEO, sir.”
“Any possible impact on Zone 1’s employees?”
“Not exactly, honored CEO, sir. Improving on the Foxes, or any Representative Agent or Intern would engage only marginal gain. The base performance is just too limited. There is a chance, we could do something with the Stag Beatle’s carapace and mandibles, though.”
“Time frame?”
“Twenty-five days for the Lynx, Goats, and Centipede, another fifteen for three unique plants, we have in Zone 2, and ten for the Beatle. After we finished our current research and surveyed the rest of the Zones to find other things to research, of course. Not counting the colorful birdies."
“Dana, can we get one of those big blue birds with the extravagant plumage?”
“A peacock, sir? Certainly. There are even multiple entries for various peacocks in the database.”
“A wonderful idea, sir!” Colette brownnosed “Making it a daily special offer, only one unique employee per day, and only the fastest customer could get it!”
“Yes, that was what I was thinking. Dana, hire the most colorful and rare one, and Egon, enhance the properties even further.”
“Yes, honored CEO, sir!”
Finances then talked some about the needed and currently occupied MPD and stressed the importance of continue expanding and finishing the Grassland Biome. However, Zoli didn't see the point in the grassland, and no one provided him with plans, presentations, or maps of a possible solution.
Grasslands, or Steppe, or a Puszta was basically just a flat piece of land, with only grass, a few trees here and there, and nothing else. What could be done with such an unimaginative Biome? What was the previous CEO thinking?!?
Well, probably not much, she failed to make the dungeon the greatest one possible.
“All right. We certainly need a development or creative team or something like that. I will call it Zoning. How did it last time? Oh, yeah. Tada! Lance, you are now the head of Zoning! Please survey the ready parts of the Grassland Biome, prepare a detailed Business Plan, Org Chart, Process Map, and a Roadmap for the expansion, and fungibly formulate covalent schemas, while progressively implementing distinctive convergences. Also, foster diverse best practice networks. To optimize frictionless synergies, schedule meetings with the other department heads."
“Yes, honored CEO. I will make sure to provide you with a detailed map of the proposed features!”
With the hard work of creating a new department, directing them to plan the newest Biome, and holding important meetings, Zoli felt tired. It was no wonder, the previous CEO failed at her task, even with having an Executive Team, delegating less-important work, and only focusing on the crucial details was grueling work. That idiot tried to do everything on her own! Who did she think, she was? The next Gates? Musk? Just without the family ties to get that starting push?
Zoli was completely sure, he did much, much, even exponentially better. After all, he based everything on how successful companies worked, and while he couldn’t outsource stuff to cheap, foreign lands, decades of corporate evolution simply couldn’t be wrong!
Even the workshops, he participated in said so!
