Gizzy sat at a table in what appeared to be a very modern indoor shooting range. Her look of disappointment was immense, and her day seemed ruined, as she poured a scotch on bullet shaped ice and flopped down a massive pistol.
“Welcome back dickheads, today our special guest is…nobody. Not a damn soul. I was gonna clone the russian bitch but the wife wouldn't let me. Just me and my own range getting shitfaced because long story short, we had 2 guests lined up, one chicken shitted out because he’s afraid to shoot our illegal stuff, and the other one seems to have hesitations signing a form letting us remove him from Earth temporarily, because apparently nobody else read the fine print and now we have to sweeten the deal. So fuck it, we’re soloing this round, short and sweet. But the best Part about me and booze is the drunker she gets, the drunker... I...am, let's play with guns for a lil bit. This is my boomstick. The story is: that I wanted a 50BMG equivalent 13mmOSRH13K in a semi-automatic repeating pistol, and I made one. I could not for the life of me figure out how to get a magazine capable of 2 inch plus long rounds through a grip I could comfortably grab with my hand, and frankly if I just cloned myself with bigger hands it felt like cheating, and then all the Charlotte’s would have to be upgraded with weird gorilla hands just to use the gun." she hiccupped.
"That’s lame. I’m not doing that. But I kept thinking outside the box, and what looks like a box more than a P90? So this here, is the basically 50 cal 13mm we’re just gonna call…Gwennifer. Isn't she pretty?"
So Gwen here works by not using the grip mag at all. It’s a 579 scythe grip, recycled and hollow or filled with a tube of skittles if you so choose. The magazine runs above the grip and below the barrel lengthwise, much like a P90, except in Fiddy cal, and upside down. It holds a massive, never-ending 14 rounds, angled at almost 45 degrees and it P90-turns upright at the back where, yes, I did a bullpup. I bullpupped a 50 cal anti-materiel pistol. Are you happy? Firstly, it was too damn long if I didn't, and the weight was very forward, plus it looked more like an Uzi this way and holstered better. I may have carried this for a personal defense everyday carry for a while to the horror of many. So let's break down how this works. The same gas system of a spiraled 3:1 barrel rifling, overlapping the grooves cut into the outside of the barrel, lets gas into the same baffling as the reaper systems, the same exact reaper 20x50 bolt carrier was used on a rail, guided by 2 rods that lined up to the barrel grooves on top. The venting suppressor gas makes its way to the lockup lug, rotating the bolt to let the remaining recoil throw it back like it’s hot…and it is. 2 expansion springs on either side of the hammer (located on top) slow down the bolt.
To load, simply shove the magazine under the barrel, pressing down the first round until it reaches the rear, pull the pistol slide, which in this case is only about 3 inches of the rear, and the majority of the top case is fixed. The slide retracting pulls back the dust shutters, a series of 4 curved telescopic sheets that open the side of the gun for ejection, if necessary. During the firing sequence, the shutter and the slide remain closed, since there should be no shell to eject in a gun where the case is the propellant, and the bolt carrier floats behind the barrel and only hits the buffer at the end of the completed stroke. When manually racked back, however, the slide cover/cocking lever itself catches and pulls the bolt and the cover, allowing manual ejecting in the instance of unloading or a failure, so the gun doesn’t appear to cycle the bolt when firing consecutively, but the entire weapon rides a recoil rail in the grip with about an inch of travel just to allow momentum to dampen. The springs in the handle are not shown in the picture due to my drunk ass forgetting to turn the layer to opaque before saving the file. In the real one, these would be present but also not visible due to being inside the damn handle, but imagine if you will 2 springs running from the bottom of the grip up and around the top grip scale bolt, and to the magazine well. A muzzle brake is commonly used, but not shown here, this is why we make copies of our work before merging and saving, so that we can add this and turn on the spring layer after saving, and in the case of not doing that the audience just has to imagine it.
Sorry.
Anyway it was never used in an official mission due to the MagForge system replacing the reaper type handguns shortly after, so this is the only printed prototype of the “Gwen” and we will discuss the MagForge on a later date. Trust me it’s some insane shit and it makes these look like a flintlock.
Fortunately, the Gwen design was sold to a nice old human man...allegedly, and featured heavily in the Hitman Holyman series on Royal Road, as a very toned down version of a modded 50 folding carbine which we will now get into.
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The Hitman Holyman version of the Gwen is basically the same, but downgraded in power because humans don't have 3d printers in titanium for home use, and using magnesium based propellant casings that limit the power of the weapon, but allow interchangeable barrels and full auto capability. The grip was changed slightly to fold, a useless feature in a hand cannon but great for a concealed carbine folding rifle. Additional suppressors and locking threads allow barrel inserts to change the gun to any new caliber under 3,000ft-pounds of muzzle energy and a 2 inch length, under 46 caliber. As long as the casing rim is the same, if it fits, it ships. This makes it perfect for assassinations, in ways that are too spoilery to detail much more in case you wanna read Hitman Handyman Holyman.
A full length picatinny rail was added to a thicker top shell to allow a sliding stock and a variation of removable optics. This means it can be configured in a small configuration concealable under a coat in a 7mm carbine caliber, capable of high rate high capacity magazines as a very robust pistol, or the sliding stock added and a longer barrel and optic to make it a compact break-down sniper rifle capable of repeatable 600 yard accuracy and up to a modified 50 caliber round, 12 round capacity. The folding stock carbine Gwen is 4.1 pounds loaded in 7mm and the additional barrel suppressors and optics add slightly more, making it a comfortably weighted weapon for anything from a nice walk on the beach to slaughtering a large gang of armed hitmen. Not that this happens in the book Hitman Handyman Horseshoe handgrenades.
The drawbacks to the re-imagined Gwen are the lower max chamber pressure because home-machined steel sucks ass compared to alien printed Alloy, higher recoil from the lack of grip springs, the cheek weld on the extended stock (though solid) do for some reason “feel” thin and flimsy to me, like it’s gonna break, but it doesn't. The addition of longer barrels means suppressors have to be offset because anything larger diameter than the basic screw on end hub, just-flat out prevents you from removing the damn magazine, and you’d have to take the barrel off to reload, and fuck all of that nonsense, so all suppressors have to be indexed and offset vertically so when screwed into the lock position, the mass of the baffling and can is facing up and away from the magazine line of removal. You can see here, if that suppressor was rotated 180 degrees, the magazine would go about half an inch and just ram the suppressor can. This was not considered when it was just a pistol and meant to be as small as possible, with no extended barrels and only flush insert nuts...Giggity.
The stock also can’t be fully collapsed with an optic on it. The solution was to only use quick release scope mounts and assemble as needed, but the stock can't be fully extended with both a rear picatinny mounted flip sight, and the scope, so I had to design a quick remove iron sight set that attaches at the front and holds the rear sight on a 5 inch long floating extender rail. So the stock can slide UNDER the rear sight. This means iron sights can be flipped down and folded, for compact use, but if a scope or red dot is needed, sadly you have to remove the damn rear sight rail, retract the stock fully and THEN add the optic. It’s annoying, it takes several seconds, you have to carry the scope separately and no matter what you do when you put the scope back on, your zero is never perfect so beyond 600 yards you have to actually just adjust as you shoot. It’s ridiculous. I don't know how they tolerated this in Hitman Holyman Holy-Hell Holdmybeer.
Basically I designed a perfect weapon, an insanely powerful innovative pistol that when retrofitted for human use as a carbine hybrid with a stock, suddenly everything sucks and runs into everything, and frankly I would just ditch the stock entirely if it was me. But apparently humans struggle with recoil so eeeuuugh, I’m an old mortal preacher, I need a shoulder support to handle the felt recoil of a sniper rifle, I gotta shoot people from way back there where they can't kill me back. I swear whiney primates and their soft organs. I could design better guns if they didn’t have to be comfort padded and made for weak limbs, and this is why you humans need to fix your own guns. It was flawless as a handgun, now the magazine is stuck and we gotta have pocket scopes and an Allen wrench in case the gun jams… Is this what you wanted? IS IT!?" she yelled, sipping her drink.
"…Sorry, I just hate to see such a nice gun bastardized for human use. It’s like taking a priceless one of a kind revolver that holsters perfect and then welding shit on for a stock because the recoil hurts the widdle hooman fingies. Anyway, fortunately most of the guns in Hitman Handyman Handjob are spoilers by design, so I don’t have to show them, just a few that don’t kill the plot progress. Gwen is in like chapter 2, you’re not getting too far ahead of anything. And yes it’s a good book series, my wife loves human books, especially Hitman Holyman Tinker Taylor Spy, but you know what it doesn’t have…ME! Not a goddamn alien in the whole book, so obviously it’s inherently less good, and without me the scifi-edge is gone, the sex appeal is Jank as shit. Anyway I’m drunk rambling, we don't have a guest, it’s just me in the basement range and a bottle of scotch 4th walling about Holyman Handyman Handroll Eggroll. Here's to our sponsor, SCOTCH. That’s the stupid, fucking… Gwennifer Laurence folding anti-tank pistol uzi-situation. This episode of Forgotten Cursed Weapons brought to you by…alcoholism. Cheers bitch.” she said, trying to turn off the camera. "I'mma throw this stock away and shoot something."
