“How the heck is this possible?”

  Michael Joke was freaking out.

  Seeing him gawking at her severed arm like he’d seen a ghost, Billy Jean puffed up with pride, swung her arm in a full 360, showing off like it was a trophy.

  “See? Awesome, right? Told ya it’d still work after a little fix.”

  “Why’s this even happening?”

  “You don’t have a clue, do you? Us vampires level up by chowing down on flesh and blood. Pretty wild, huh? High-level stuff, right?”

  Michael Joke’s dark eyes went even darker.

  He knew vampires evolved by feasting on flesh and blood, but he’d never seen one progress this fast.

  Just one pot of blood and her arm was back in action.

  This evolution speed was off the charts.

  But then, there was no way she should still look so rotten.

  Billy Jean seemed to read his mind and piped up,

  “It’s ’cause I don’t eat meat.”

  “Didn’t you used to love meat?”

  Michael Joke looked at her like she was nuts.

  Billy Jean grumbled under her breath,

  “That was chicken, duck, and fish back then. Not the same as now.”

  “That makes sense.”

  Michael Joke nodded, then got all serious.

  “But you’re a vampire now. Gotta adapt to the local scene, get used to the vampire diet.”

  Hearing that, Billy Jean was… well, the vampire was gobsmacked.

  I mean, what was he spouting?

  Was that something a human would say?

  “I’m doing this for your own good. Being picky about grub ain’t a good habit.”

  Michael Joke sounded like a nagging old dad.

  “You’re right. Being picky sucks. I’ve decided to turn over a new leaf. Starting with you.”

  With that, Billy Jean lunged at Michael Joke, baring her teeth and claws.

  Michael Joke calmly reached out, clamped a hand on her head, and held her back.

  At 5'3", Billy Jean looked tiny next to the 6'2" Michael Joke.

  Her arms and legs were short.

  She thrashed around but couldn’t lay a finger on him.

  “Roar, roar…”

  “I said don’t be picky. Didn’t mean you should munch on me!”

  Billy Jean:??

  “Also, quit jumping on me all the time. You don’t even know how gross you are now.”

  Michael Joke eyed her up and down with disgust.

  Covered in blood and muck, Michael Joke had been putting up with her for ages.

  The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.

  Billy Jean glanced down at herself.

  From a vampire’s perspective, where was she dirty?

  Truth was, she often got the cold shoulder from some vampires ’cause she was too clean and didn’t fit in.

  “I’m not dirty. I don’t wash.”

  Michael Joke’s temples throbbed.

  He was so mad his head was splitting.

  “Smell yourself. You reek.”

  “Where do I stink? You’re talking crazy.”

  Billy Jean grabbed the collar of her shirt and sniffed.

  Then she whipped her head around and dry-heaved, looking pained.

  “Ugh…”

  Michael Joke figured she’d finally skedaddle and take a bath.

  But clearly, he’d overestimated vampire Billy Jean’s standards.

  Billy Jean dug into her bag, pulled out a bottle of Dior perfume, and spritzed it a few times in the air.

  Then she twirled around in the sweet-smelling mist, letting it soak into her.

  “Click…”

  Billy Jean capped the perfume bottle and fluttered her hand like a fancy lady, fanning herself.

  Sniffing the lovely scent, she grinned with satisfaction.

  “Okay, now I smell divine.”

  Michael Joke was dumbstruck.

  “Going to bed smelling like a rose.”

  Billy Jean spun around to leave.

  But he snagged her by the back collar and hauled her away.

  “Hey! Michael Joke, you jerk. What are you doing? Let go of me. If you don’t, I’ll call the cops.”

  Billy Jean cursed up a storm in her head.

  The germaphobe Michael Joke had hit his limit.

  He dragged her straight to the bathroom and tossed her into the tub.

  “Glug, glug…”

  Billy Jean was caught off guard and gulped down a bellyful of water.

  She stood up, sopping wet and looking like a drowned rat.

  The water dripping off her was red, tinting the surrounding water pinkish.

  Michael Joke’s mouth twitched.

  “Is this what you call clean?”

  “It’s the clothes bleeding.”

  Billy Jean, decked out in all black, was trying to scramble out of the tub on her stubby legs.

  Seeing she was still being pigheaded, Michael Joke lost it and got physical.

  He shoved her head underwater and started scrubbing like a madman.

  “Billy Jean, you’re a vampire, not a slob. Got it?”

  Michael Joke was strong.

  Billy Jean couldn’t break free.

  Caught in his grip, she could only wail non-stop.

  The water in the tub splashed everywhere, soaking Michael Joke.

  “Are you gonna strip or do I have to do it for you?”

  Hearing that, Billy Jean shuddered.

  Nervously, she crossed her arms over her chest.

  “Get out. I’ll wash myself.”

  “Why the shyness? It’s not like I haven’t seen it before.”

  Michael Joke said it like it was no biggie.

  If Billy Jean weren’t a vampire and could blush, her face would be on fire right now.

  “Get out. Don’t make me bite you.”

  Billy Jean glared daggers at Michael Joke.

  For some reason, Michael Joke cracked up.

  His low, rumbling laughter spilled from his thin lips, sounding almost happy.

  Billy Jean was floored.

  Seeing his smile was like a flashback to their good old days a few years ago.

  His smile was blinding.

  Back then, he could charm the pants off any girl.

  Once upon a time, she thought they’d be together forever.

  But turns out he was a love rat.

  Billy Jean went fierce again.

  “What’re you laughing at? Get out.”

  Michael Joke was used to her mood swings and didn’t bat an eye.

  He ruffled her hair with his big hand.

  “After all these years, you still got that firecracker temper.”

  Billy Jean was about to snap back, but he’d already strolled out of the bathroom.

  She was so mad her teeth could’ve cracked.

  This punk always toyed with her like she was a chew toy.

  When she found a second long-term food source, she’d chomp him first to get him out of her hair.

  Half an hour later.

  Billy Jean, who’d been strong-armed into a bath, strutted out of the bathroom in a white hotel robe.

  By now, the sky was starting to lighten at the edges.

  It was almost dawn.

  Billy Jean could feel her joints getting stiffer and stiffer, cracking like popcorn.

  She walked like an old-timer on his last legs, nothing like her spry self at night.

  “Over here.”

  Michael Joke was propped up against the headboard, waving her over.

  Billy Jean didn’t want to go, but her feet had a mind of their own.

  The craving for flesh was pulling her in.

  In her daytime state, aside from having thoughts, she was basically a walking corpse.

  She was desperate for flesh.

  Even though her body was shuffling toward him, her mind was screaming “no way”.

  “Michael , are you a beast? I’m a vampire now and you still got the guts to mess with me. Mixing species never ends well.”

  “Sit.”

  Billy Jean was about to pounce on him in the bed, but his one word stopped her cold.

  “Sit?”

  Billy Jean saw him pointing at the chair beside the bed and plopped down, hesitantly.

  “What’s the deal?”

  Michael Joke just smiled at her, not saying squat.

  A minute later.

  “Ah! Michael , you scumbag. Let me go. Why’d you tie me up? Cut me loose, now!”

  Billy Jean was trussed up like a turkey by Michael Joke.

  She thrashed and hollered.

  Michael Joke clapped his hands, looking pleased as punch, then flopped down on the bed to sleep.

  If he didn’t tie her up, he’d be a nervous wreck, worrying she’d suck his blood and gnaw on his bones.

  He didn’t trust this ungrateful dame one bit.

  “Hey! Michael , wake up! You tied me up and zonked out. Don’t you think you’re being a total jerk?”

  Michael Joke heard Billy Jean’s ranting in his head, and the corners of his mouth curled up a bit.

  Soon, he drifted off to sleep, with her cussing up a storm in the background.

  Billy Jean heard his steady breathing and knew he was out cold.

  She ground her teeth, seething with rage.